If you feel stuck on repeat, reach out for advice

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My ex-mother-in-law and I ran into each other at a political do and had a great old time. I like her much better now than when I was married to her daughter. But she enjoyed mentioning that her daughter is now much happier in her new marriage to someone other than me. That’s rude, but I was actually happy to hear it.

Then she had the nerve to ask me if I felt better-suited to my new wife, and I said, “No, because she’s a lot like your daughter.” That was an awful thing for me to finally realize fully, and in front of my ex-mother-in-law.

Is it true people keep marrying the same type of person over and over again, and just keep trying to do better each time?

— Lying Awake, Tuxedo

Dear Lying Awake: It’s true we often have a natural attraction to certain types of people. Some try to figure out these mysteries themselves, but sometimes they go to a psychologist or psychiatrist to help unravelling these tendencies.

Left to their own devices, they might keep picking people to love who have the same personality type and maybe even the same look — a TV or movie hero, sports star, coach, teacher, first love or ex-wife.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I overheard my husband laughing and telling his new work buddy sitting at our bar downstairs that I — his wife — looked like an emu when I was nine months pregnant.

It’s true I’m a tall, gangly person so maybe I did stick out like an emu when carrying our child, but I felt deeply embarrassed and hurt by the comparison.

I have also been feeling turned off by my husband’s plump body lately. I bet he hasn’t shared that detail with the young employee who listened to him. I’m feeling totally turned off by my husband now. What can I do?

— Married to an Oaf, West End

Dear Married to an Oaf: Forget welcoming your man’s friends over for any event that involves drinking. Your husband can’t afford to imbibe because he can’t control his tongue.

He can hurt people (like you) and cause bad feelings all round. So encourage your husband to entertain his friends at a bar and not in your home.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a single-again woman in my 50s who’s into sports, and my last kid has finally left home. I’m not lonely and I don’t want a new husband, but I’m becoming frustrated because the guys I’ve been dating for months seem to think if you’ve dated them for a while you might become a candidate to replace their ex-wife.

I’ve stated quite clearly at the end of dates that I consider myself free to date others, until we’re formally a couple. I’ve just found out recently that my frankness comes across as businesslike and cold. I’m just aiming to keep things honest and fair.

The last guy I went with to see a movie and have drinks afterwards stopped my little speech about limits, holding one hand up like a stop sign. He said, “I have one rule myself. I don’t date nervous women with a set of rules and limits.”

Then he put down money for both our drinks and the date was over. This is 2026. I thought I could be frank about things, but that got thrown back in my face. What’s going on with guys these days? I don’t want another marriage like I had before, with set roles and rules. Help.

— Shaking my Head, Downtown

Dear Shaking My Head: You’re possibly a little too angry at men to be dating right now. Consider some counselling to sort things out and feel less defensive.

It is certainly wise to understand what you want and don’t want from a prospective relationship, but it may prove more effective if you’re a bit stealthier with drawing your line in the sand when it comes to dating. You don’t have to explicitly spell out what you’re looking for in a new man, just get to know a person a bit and then make your decision on whether it makes sense to continue dating or not. Good luck.

Please send your questions to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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