Sequestered skivvies seem like last straw

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband, who earns a hefty income, stayed in the city most of the summer working, except for a few long weekends with the kids and me at the cottage. He has giant work projects that need daily tending.

I work hard, too, with our four kids, two dogs and a cat. But I have to tell you I got a shock last week after coming home to organize my family team for a thorough cleaning of our three-storey home.

You’ll never guess what they found up in the attic — hidden boxes of sexy women’s lingerie that all looks brand-new.

I’ve kept my mouth shut so far, but my mind is spinning.

Nothing was my size in those boxes — they were all much larger and might even fit a man. Is this some stuff from another woman in my husband’s past, or is it meant for another woman of his right now to wear when they’re together?

Or could it possibly be for my husband, and he just likes to wear it himself to get some kicks?

I need a full confession from him.

If I really feel I have to leave him, I will do that. But then, I would want enough compensation to remain a stay-at-home mom and live in the style we’re accustomed to until the kids are finished their schooling. Please advise ASAP.

— Shocked Wife and Mom, Tuxedo

Dear Shocked: I’m looking for the words “still love my husband” in your letter and don’t see them. You might want to talk with him gently about this. Perhaps the boxes are sitting there looking unused because he tried cross-dressing a time or two and didn’t end up really liking it.

If it turns out you can’t or won’t stay in the marriage, then see a lawyer you don’t share with your husband and explain your situation in detail, including what you would want in a divorce — which sounds like staying at home and mothering the kids.

So, if it comes to a breakup, you must also figure out, with your lawyer’s help, how much support you can realistically ask for. That may not include your mansion.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a woman who went to jail for a short time when I was younger. I don’t make a big secret of that fact, but I don’t advertise it, either.

I did my time in a different province. My parents and my sister know about it. I don’t think my sister will ever spill this secret, as it embarrasses her.

However, lately she’s been calling and asking for more details about that part of my past. I’ve asked her to promise me she won’t share my secret.

Can I count on that?

—Feeling Insecure, southeastern Manitoba

Dear Insecure: You can’t be sure she’ll keep quiet about this, but don’t harass her on the topic. That will just keep her thinking about it.

You made a mistake a long time ago and will never make it again, so just tell her that, and change the topic to anything else if she doesn’t have any more questions.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I didn’t get a summer holiday this year because people at work got sick and I was super busy filling in here and there.

Now some close friends from work are talking about going on a cruise. The last time I did that, I vowed I would never go again because I was dizzy and seasick the first three days.

What should I tell them?

— Not a Party Pooper, St. Boniface

Dear No Party Pooper: Tell them, “Sorry. I might upchuck and spoil your holiday on the high seas.”

Add that you would love to see their photos when they get back, and also note that you would be up for going on another kind of holiday with them someday — like hanging out on a beach.

That way you’ll make sure that they know you would enjoy their company somewhere else — on terra firma.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.