‘Scared to Snitch’ could take subtler approach

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just read the letter from “Scared to Snitch” and have some comments. The mother-in-law who gambles is an adult with a decent income. Nowhere does the letter say her gambling is causing her problems.

If that is the way she wants to spend her time, using her money, and it’s not impacting her life, what about letting it be? She’s an adult making her own decisions.

Options? Have a conversation with her, and ask, “Why those tears at the thought of others knowing?” That may be an opening to explore things more deeply. Why is she fearful?

I’m speaking from experience, having had a loved one deep into the addiction, which caused obvious and big consequences.

— Concerned for ‘Scared,’ Manitoba

Dear Concerned: Some older people turn to gambling to avoid loneliness and depression, especially when they are retired and miss the feeling of importance at work and the friendly daily connections.

Gambling — especially at a casino — can give people a succession of small hits of feel-good dopamine when they’re winning, or even losing, as they get similar feelings of excitement. (You can learn more about this at responsiblegambling.org.)

You’re right that barging into the mother-in-law’s life may be too harsh, but subtly inquiring about how she’s feeling would be a wise move.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My ex-girlfriend — a pain in the butt with a drinking problem — just got the boot from her new guy.

Earlier this week she called me up late at night, drunk and carrying on loudly. She announced she was already in a taxi and coming over to my house. So what could I do? She walked through my door less than 15 minutes later, smiling her sexy smile, and we were off.

But then last night, my new girlfriend came over and stayed all night, and caught me speaking my ex’s name in my sleep. I didn’t know how to explain it away, so I said I was having a nightmare. She didn’t buy that stupid lie, and also said there was a cheap perfume scent on my pillow cases that wasn’t hers.

Now, I could lose my new girlfriend, and she’s the best I’ve ever had.

— Victim of Opportunity, St. Boniface

Dear Victim of Opportunity: Juggling two sexual relationships — especially under your own roof — is asking for big trouble.

This sexual merry-go-round at your house could end very badly unless you make a decision to drop one woman, ASAP.

Until that time, turn off your motor and stop this dangerous ride.

You claim this new girlfriend is the best you’ve ever had, so shape up if you don’t want to lose her.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.