No shame in family’s help with young one

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband hates it that I didn’t want to go back to work right after having our child. I still don’t want to farm out our sweet breastfeeding baby girl to a babysitter!

I’ve been staying home to be with her, but I just found two hidden unpaid utility bills in my husband’s truck, that could get us in very big trouble. No wonder my guy doesn’t like me going into his truck alone these days.

Now I don’t know what to do. Should I talk to my parents about borrowing money from them before we get our utilities cut off? My husband says that will make him “look bad,” like he couldn’t take care of me and our child. Well, he can’t!

— Desperate Mom, St. Boniface

Dear Desperate: Once you get this financial problem out in the open, your husband may feel somewhat embarrassed, but you must talk to your parents anyway. Tell them about the utility bills and the scary financial position with you not working. Add that you really don’t want to go back to work immediately — although your husband wants you to.

Now, here’s an idea. After a little more time at home, maybe your mom would want to keep the baby part-time, and you could use a breast pump to collect feedings in bottles and keep them in the fridge to be used by her. Then you could go back to work part-time, knowing for certain your baby is being care for by a person who loves her.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I had no idea my new boyfriend was seeing someone else, and certainly not a guy! When this information was sent to me in a message from a friend, I called her immediately and cried.

When I cornered my boyfriend, he didn’t even turn red. He was just mad! He said, “Yeah, so what? Lots of guys fool around with guys!”

My brother said my boyfriend is probably bisexual. I really don’t want to be in this situation again, but can you just ask a new guy, when you start dating, to confess all aspects of his sexuality?

—Baffled, St. James

Dear Baffled: People are sometimes so attracted to each other physically, they don’t want to confess anything that might turn the new person off.

You can confess your run-of-the-mill straight sexuality, without blushing. Prospective new partners with more multifaceted sexual tastes might tell you what they really desire, or they just shrug and say, “Too bad, I don’t think we’re a match!”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Fall is the sexiest season of the year. When the leaves start falling, it looks like the trees are undressing and their clothes are falling onto the floor. And then comes Halloween!

I always wear a racy costume to our friend’s annual Halloween bash, but this year my lesbian girlfriend said, “For God’s sake, wear something that doesn’t embarrass me again!”

I said, “Well, you embarrass me, with your attitudes!” Now she says she’s not going anywhere with me this Halloween. Was that a dare from her?

— Fright Plight, Downtown

Dear Fright Plight: That was more of a dismissal than a dare. So, if you don’t want to double-down and risk more rancour in your relationship, why not compromise a bit and come up with a couple creative costumes for you both, so you can go to the spooky soirée together?

Otherwise, you may be flying solo socially for a while — whether you like it or not.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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