You’re facing double trouble with infatuation

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I started enjoying the company of women in my running group so much that I ran more and more, and dropped 35 pounds over the summer and early fall. And in the summer I became attracted to a bisexual woman in the group.

At first, we claimed we were “doing OK” with the men we married. But now, feelings of all kinds are accelerating between us.

I must say I’ve suspected my husband has had another woman in recent years, but now it doesn’t bother me the same way. I finally understand wanting two people at one time. I tell myself I’m not “cheating” on anybody — because I’m not cheating on my husband with another man. But that’s not even fooling me, anymore. I’m feeling a lot more emotion for my female love interest.

So now what? I don’t want to disrupt my whole family, so should I keep it a secret for everyone’s sake? I must say the female object of my affection isn’t thinking of leaving her husband and family. I could be wrong, but I suspect she’s just having a fun time experimenting.

— Wanting Too Much? Fort Rouge

Dear Wanting Too Much: What do you really want in the end? If being with this woman in a lesbian relationship is what you desire, you already know that isn’t the name of the game for her. Given that dead end, it’s time to consider backing up the train. It’ll just tear you apart to go ahead and get deeper into this relationship, and also mess up your own marriage and family situation. That’s way too much loss!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: “Mr. Trouble” is moving back into town for the deep freeze. That’s my old love who works up north three seasons of the year, and then leaves for expensive winter holidays off the continent.

He calls himself “forever single.” Last year we fought over his drinking which had become much worse, and we stopped communicating all together. Now I hear from a mutual friend he’s on the wagon and he’s missing me, but he’s afraid to call me in case I hang up on him. Should I phone him? I do love him.

— Tempted to Call, West End

Dear Tempted: Do call him, but suss out the situation ahead of time. First contact several mutual friends up north for the straight truth on your old love and Mistress Alcohol. If they think it’s a good time to reunite, then you might consider giving it a try.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went back to university in my 30s and got the higher education I missed in my pre-marriage years. I loved going to school and learning new things every day — “a born student” my professors told me.

Now, our last kid is up and educated, and I really have the itch to go back to university, but my husband wants to go travelling. I don’t want to travel — I just want to go on “adventures of the mind.” — Hungry for More Education, southwestern Manitoba

Dear Hungry: Guided, educational travelling groups would probably suit you best as a couple. Travel agents will know how to hook you up with the best. Deluxe tours will treat you like royalty while others may not. Why not enjoy some global learning? You can register for courses when you get home.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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