Mothering a community

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This article was published 09/01/2024 (957 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

In the summer of 2022, Leanna Nasberg made a decision that would alter the course of her life; she finally admitted to herself that her marriage of five years wasn’t working out.

The following April, Nasberg, 38, filed for divorce.

“I had an 18-month-old baby at that time and I chose to walk away. It was terrifying, but now, looking back, it was the strongest and wisest choice I could have made for my son and my own mental health,” she says.

After filing, Nasberg endured one of the darkest periods of her life. Supported by her tightly knit circle of friends and family as she went through divorce proceedings, she found herself wondering how someone who didn’t have her support system would feel in the same situation.

“I thought, ‘How do people do this without help? Some people don’t have their parents in their life, or maybe they are in a city where they don’t know anyone, maybe their parents have died. How does someone do this alone?’” she recalls.

That question, sowed in the toughest of times, germinated in her mind until December 2023 when she launched Hands to Hold Collective, an online community for women who have found themselves navigating solo parenthood, either through loss, separation or divorce.

“I wanted to create a space for single mothers to come to where they feel a sense of support. Being a mother can be pretty isolating, never mind being a single mom. I felt the need to create a community where moms can just show up; it’s a safe place to come on and feel surrounded by like-minded people,” she says.

The fitness instructor realized she had a wide connection of contacts in Winnipeg through her work and slowly started to create an accessible area online where women from all walks of life are invited to share their stories, their experiences and their expertise.

“But it’s not a support group — you don’t have to share your story to be part of it,” she explains. “There is no pressure. You don’t need to disclose anything, you can keep things private and there is no charge to join.

“I did it online because I don’t want to put pressure on mothers to find childcare or to get a vehicle.”

Nasberg started promoting Hands to Hold in September 2023, creating an Instagram account for the group and posting regularly, before fully launching in December.

Members of the collective benefit from the safe space, as well as from a range of free talks by expert speakers including a psychologist, a pelvic floor therapist and a pediatric sleep consultant.

Nasberg intended talks to be on a monthly basis but has already had such great response from both potential speakers as well as members that she will now be organizing twice-monthly meetings.

“It has become more than I ever envisioned and I am just going with it. People are volunteering their time, wanting to be a part of this community,” she says.

“My first guest speaker will be Niki Trosky. I have worked with her for a long time and she is truly magical. She is a spiritual healer and is all about reclaiming your energy. I felt it was great to launch with her.”

Joining is easy: simply email handstoholdcollective@gmail.com for a Zoom meeting link. New talks are posted on the Hands to Hold Instagram page and meetings are usually held in the evenings after Nasberg puts her two-year-old to bed.

You don’t have to attend the talks if you don’t want to; people can be as involved as much or as little as they like, Nasberg says.

“Being a single mom, I feel like it’s an elephant in the room — no one wants to talk about it, to discuss it. And maybe even you don’t want to talk about it. You can just show up and take what you want from it,” she says.

“So far the response has been more than I could have imagined: I have had people messaging me and sharing their stories with me; people saying, ‘Thank you, this is what I needed.’ It has been truly incredible. It’s wild. I feel like there was a lack of support and community for single moms.”

And while the current iteration of Hands to Hold Collective is for single moms, Nasberg will not turn away anyone who comes seeking support from fellow parents.

“I went with mothers because that is what I know. It is who I am right now and I wanted to create something for that community. However, any parent who feels like they need a sense of community is welcome.”

Nasberg is still dealing with the repercussions of her decision to divorce, but has no regrets.

“This isn’t the path I had hoped for, and this isn’t the path I had envisioned for my life, but I knew I needed to make a change. Looking back on it it, there were a lot of feelings there — there was a lot of anger and doubt and hurt, really strong feelings — but on the flipside of that, it was also strangely calming.

“After I made that decision, it felt like a weight had been lifted. For so long I was in fight-or-flight mode and finally my body was like ‘oooooof’ and there was this huge sense of relief,” she says.

“I am not saying everyone should go out and get a divorce, but I also think that if things are not right, then sometimes it is best to walk away.”

av.kitching@winnipegfreepress.com