DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I gained almost 45 pounds through my child-bearing years and finally decided to do something about it this new year.

Unfortunately, I ran into an old boyfriend in the parking lot at the gym where I had just signed up. He insisted on walking me out to my car.

I said conversationally, “I don’t know about you, but I really need this gym right now.” He looked me up and down slowly and said snidely, “Don’t worry. They can work miracles.” I wanted to smack him.

In fact, I was so hurt by his comment I don’t want to go back there and run into him again, but I can’t afford not to go after my husband and I shelled out all this money for the membership. Any ideas?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have a bad problem and I’m ashamed to admit it because it was all my fault. I introduced my best friend to a man I wanted myself since I thought he wasn’t interested in me. He was gracious and asked her out for dinner and they went — and I stayed home and pouted.

My friend phoned the next day and told me the guy spent the whole night talking about me and he asked her why I never respond to him and his jokes. What? I do think he’s funny, but I’m not a loud laugher.

I’m a shy person, so I couldn’t possibly pick up the phone and call him and tell him I would love to go out with him. I just can’t.

What can I do? I also know I shouldn’t let this nice guy go.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I ran into my neighbour a little while ago, and I mean that literally. I backed into his big truck sticking out across the lane. He said he didn’t even care, and then smiled and told me he’d been hoping to get to know me.

Now we’re starting to date — just a little. I work at home and do lots of cooking every day. He loves to eat — so we’re match, right? Ha.

But here’s the problem: if we start dating and annoy each other and break up, how do we cope with living across the back lane from each other? He’s hot-looking, about eight years older than me, and I really like him so far, but I’m also feeling worried.

— Cautious, North Kildonan

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: A ghost from my past came back into my life over the holidays. He came back to our town to live in the house he inherited after his mother died.

He’s a designer and builder, and with help he opened up the main floor of his old family house so it’s more modern. He has also been driving his mom’s fancy car.

He is two years older than me and we dated for most of his Grade 12 year before he took off to seek his fortune. My ears have always been wide open for anything juicy about him.

He isn’t shy. He invited a whole bunch of people over for a New Year’s Day party.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend and I, who lived together until recently in her former-marriage house, fought all the way through the holidays and were coming to the bitter end. She kept bringing up her former husband, but I refused to discuss him with her. I think she wants him back.

When I told her on New Year’s Eve I’d had it with her and that I already had an apartment rented and was possession of the keys, I thought she would throw a fit. But she just said, “Sometimes things happen quickly,” and then got busy on her phone, privately.

Two hours later, she told me she wouldn’t get in my way, and said she even had a few guys who could help move me as long as I had my things packed and ready the next day and gave her money for the movers. I was insulted, but she didn’t want much cash, so I went for it.

Imagine my surprise when a moving company’s vehicle showed up and the movers had me out of there and into my new apartment in a couple of hours. It was a great deal all round, I guess. So why am I still upset?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend got drunk and told a bunch of girlfriends the juicy details of our sex life. Well, it’s backfiring on her because I’m getting lewd, supposedly humorous messages from a couple of the women present for that conversation. Apparently my kiss-and-tell sweetheart made me out to be a passionate, generous guy when it comes to sex.

It’s a nice compliment, but it’s only made things uncomfortable for me and I’m really not interested in any other women.

I’m kind of mad at my girlfriend for bragging about me as it’s turned into a very awkward “advertisement” for my abilities. What now?

— Unwanted Attention, Exchange District

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: : I just about leapt out of my skin recently. My husband came into the living room holding my personal pleasure toy, yelling, “Say hello to your little buddy!”

Then he tossed it at me, and walked out of the house, slamming the door behind him.

I was so embarrassed. But hey, a woman needs some extra excitement too. I’ve tried everything to spice up our 25-year marriage. For instance, I’ve tried to introduce friends’ suggestions for sex toys into our mutual love life, but I was shot down every time.

At this point, we haven’t had sex for six months. After too long feeling unsatisfied, I purchased a sex toy just for myself. Now, I get the pleasure I deserve, even if it’s from a little machine.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a loving lesbian woman who is a bit shy. After an expensive dinner out (my treat for my new girlfriend’s birthday) she drove me to her place where she had her favourite romance scene partly set up. She had told me about it over dinner, and it involved far too many lit candles for my big fear of fire. I’m not much of an actor and I’m scared stiff of getting burned.

I somehow managed to fall asleep while she was getting everything ready to go and she had to wake me up. I had totally lost my nerve by then. I freaked and grabbed my jacket and went outside in the cold to book a ride home. I didn’t want her driving me. What chance do I have with her now?

— Lonely, Westwood

Dear Lonely: You’re not a performative-type lovemaker and definitely need someone who is more natural — not to mention safety-conscious.