DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’ve discovered my wife is quite amorous out at the lake. It’s our first year having a fair bit of alone time at the cottage, and I’m all for an exciting sex life with the breeze blowing in through the windows.

Our kids are grown up now and not out here regularly anymore, so my wife doesn’t think she needs to keep it down. And she can be pretty noisy in bed.

Our neighbour behind us invited me over for drinks on his deck yesterday afternoon. When he’d had a few, he made a crack about the “free symphony” coming from our bedroom window.

Of course, I went home and told my wife, and she was mortified.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a working mom in my 50s and I love Winnipeg in the summer — all the cultural festivals, concerts and crazy events it has to offer.

So I told my 20-something kids I would come out to our lake cabin for only a couple of June and July weekends, but then join them out there with their dad as well for an unbroken two-week stretch in late-August.

However, I worry I’ll just be cooking and organizing while I’m out there! My bossy eldest daughter made up a cooking schedule, so everybody has a special dinner where they have cook, organize people to bring things, run the barbecue and entertain with a group game afterwards. It’s going well for July, but nobody has signed up for duties in August when we’ll all be out there to enjoy the last of the summer.

I spent summer after summer covering that entire duty calendar for my kids, so it’d be nice to actually relax when I’m out there later this year. So, now what?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: When I was a young bisexual guy going to university and working in bars at night, I was surrounded by new people — guys and girls all the time.

There were a lot of great late-night parties after work, and I always had my eye on somebody new. I was never lonely in those days. Where did all that fun and happiness go?

Now I’m a few years older with a career and don’t need a job as a bartender to help support me. But it seems like there’s nobody around to meet, other than at bars.

Also, I’m realizing that while there are lots of straight people out there looking for fun and relationships, it’s hard to convince them that I could be true to them alone, being bisexual. But I’m true to whomever I’m with — and I only want one lover at a time.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend is beautiful and has a top-heavy body that just won’t quit — and she knows it.

When we went to the beach last weekend, people stood staring at her as she came out of the water in her striped bikini. I really don’t know how to react when this happens. I feel like running up and covering her assets with a towel.

I just want to grab her and say, “She’s mine,” even though I know she’s loyal to me and it would only get me in trouble with her. How can I cope better with this?

— Jealous Guy, Grand Beach

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I spotted an old girlfriend at the beach recently, and what a jolt. She was tanned and gorgeous. She had a pink towel wrapped around her lower half and it reminded me of when she would walk towards me with a sexy look on her face after a shower. She always knew what she was doing and how it affected me.

We didn’t end up chatting at the beach, but to my surprise she called me later that day, asking to take me out to dinner. What should I do? We were a great pair, except for her excessive partying and drinking. I didn’t ask her if she’s being a good girl now. Please advise.

— Curiosity Aroused, West Kildonan

Dear Curious: The more mature version of this ex might be interesting for you — if she has actually graduated from her bad old days of partying. You’ll probably know after a dinner out with her, especially if you have a couple of cocktails.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was feeling smothered by my girlfriend — she wanted to be together 24-7 and that was just too much. I told her that. Her reaction was to tell me a month later that she was pregnant.

I was trapped. That just stressed me out and made me worry about what would happen in my life if I married her. I was in hell.

Then she broke up with me. I told one of her friends at the bar, and she took pity on me. She told me that she was not supposed to tell me the secret, but my girlfriend was never really pregnant. She was faking early symptoms to put me through some hell.

I still kind of love that girlfriend, but I want out for good because she’s crazy enough that she would do anything to trap me and keep me around. Still, I dream about her. How can I get over her?

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: When I lived in Vancouver, my parents were both messed up on drugs and drinking. To survive their craziness, I spent all my spare time as a teenager working hard at different jobs. The day after I graduated high school, I hitchhiked with a guy I knew casually all the way to Winnipeg for a cool job I found online.

We became great friends on the road. He took me to meet his family at their house and they invited me to live in their basement suite. I happily paid rent and felt like I had a new family.

But now, here comes trouble. My parents have gotten sober and want to move back to Manitoba — their original home. They’re hoping I will welcome them back into my life.

Fat chance. I grew so sick of them, I don’t really want a reunion. But now, my girlfriend is curious about my “new and improved” parents, as she calls them. She wants to meet them face-to-face.