Stinky co-worker makes her want to puke

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This article was published 28/11/2017 (3163 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: There’s a guy at work who stinks. He just got moved into my department and brought his big cloud of B.O. with him. I can’t stand it, and I don’t know how to tell him. We’re a big company and I said yesterday: “Somebody around here forgot to put on their deodorant today,” and everybody turned and looked at him. If I complain to human resources and he gets called in, he’s going to suspect it’s me who reported him. He has seniority over me, not a lot, but enough to make sure I don’t get the interesting projects. What should I do?

— Ready to Retch, Downtown

Dear Ready to Retch: Don’t make the mistake of trying to handle it yourself by putting deodorant in the stinky fellow’s desk or leaving a note anonymously. Hike down to HR. They’re taught to deal with touchy topics and fears of reprisal, knowing people often have good reason to fear revenge. If he continues to stink, ask that your desk be moved because you can’t work efficiently if you’re feeling sick to your stomach.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m lying here in bed with my laptop looking up old boyfriends on Facebook, feeling desperate. My husband just went to work. I have grocery shopping and laundry to do for a bunch of people, but I’m staying in bed to cry. My husband never makes love to me anymore, and hasn’t touched me for 100 nights! I’ve been keeping track in my diary with an X code in the page corners and the growing number. I reach out for him, but he just rolls over and curls around his privates to protect himself from me.

He’s a highly sexed man, and he’s not doing without. I know he’s seeing someone else — I don’t know who it is, and don’t want to know — but I don’t want to break up the family. He makes a lot of money, which supports our large family. Most of the kids are in junior and senior high school now. My two best friends even suggested I stay for the financial security, but even the score by getting a boyfriend for my needs.

One of them even knows a guy for hire who goes to university on the money he makes and he’s really handsome and fun. My girlfriend calls him when she needs some afternoon delight, and says he’s been a godsend. But, all her kids are away and she’s got privacy. I have too many kids to invite a guy here, although everybody’s gone in the afternoons and I could have the time from 1 to 3 p.m. I have money to meet him somewhere else if I want. I’m wondering what you think. Toys don’t substitute for a warm body and a man’s arms around me. I’m afraid if I ask my husband to go to counselling, it will be the excuse he needs to leave, and the beginning of the end of any kind of lifestyle for me and the kids.

— Missing a Man’s Touch, Winnipeg

Dear Missing a Man’s Touch: There’s danger in this gigolo idea, especially when you have a big family still living at home. Imagine being discovered by one of the kids coming home sick from school, or even just cutting class. Ditto for your husband showing up from work because he forgot something. You could chance the gigolo adventure, but it would have to be clandestine trysts far away from your end of town.

You don’t mention the word “love,” but is there any way you could resurrect this marriage and perhaps patch things up, at least until the kids are up and out? Without mentioning your husband’s supposed lover, could you start trying to work out some of the problems that keep you distant from you husband? With the happiness and security of so many people in the balance, it would be best to try to keep things together for a time.

Here’s another idea some distant couples consider: an open marriage where neither one of you has to sneak around to see someone else for sex. If I were you, I would be looking for a job, a lawyer and accountant, knowing that any day your husband could come home and say he’s leaving to marry his girlfriend. He can make independent decisions, too.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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