Heat things up in the kitchen with boyfriend

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 27/11/2017 (3185 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just choked down another dinner my new boyfriend made. It was awful, but I don’t want to hurt his pride. I’m a chef, also a guy, and work at a restaurant. I can’t tell him the truth about something like this because he is a sensitive person, and it would wound him. Each meal he cooks for me feels (to him) like he made a gift for me.

He says, “The last thing you must want to do when you get off work is cook, so I made a late dinner for you!” How do I tell the truth to him when it will bring tears to his eyes, and make him too self-conscious to cook in front of me again?

It is hard, to find a good man to marry, and that is what I want more than anything. He is beautiful, with a heart and soul to match, but he is the worst cook in the western world, yet he is just trying his best to please me because he knows I love food. I just pop more Tums and pray to live.

I want to step in and tell him what to do to make things palatable, but it would hurt the relationship, which is pretty new, but very promising.

He is so great in other ways, I can almost imagine us getting together permanently and starting a family, but he would probably poison the kids accidentally. — Anxious Chef, Winnipeg

Dear Anxious Chef: Casually, take the reins for some cooking nights to build up food for the holiday season and invite him to be your helper. Then you can cleverly teach him how to do things right — what foods go with various spices, and why and how long to cook things. Without his knowing it, you can take him from being the worst chef to cooking simple dishes that are edible. It will take more lessons to make your non-chef into a sous-chef on the team, but if you’re encouraging, it could be fun and someday you’ll both look back and laugh at those first lessons.

Never tell him he was the worst chef in the world, even after he starts learning a bit. Those kinds of insults go right to the bone. They can cripple a relationship with self-consciousness, and sometimes the other person just says, “What’s the use in trying to please this critical person with the mean mouth?” and walks.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a man with a strong arm and a weak, injured arm. He didn’t tell me, and I was wildly dancing with him and grabbing both of his hands with equal strength. Finally, he was forced to sit down and show me his arm, which was bandaged especially for our outing, our third date. He had taken off the sling he’d been wearing for a few days since we went bowling, which was my idea. I feel terrible.

I am a strong woman and I can really yank a guy when we get dancing fast. He’s a big guy and nice, but he was hurting so much, he excused himself and went home early where he had some industrial-strength pain pills. I feel like a big jerk. I could have been much gentler if I knew I was pulling his arm back out of the socket. Can this work out, or am I just a bad match for him? — The Mammoth, East Kildonan

Dear Mammoth: Don’t back off because of what you imagine to be his feelings. Hang in there and see what develops. Let him do the dumping if it’s going to happen. There’s nothing as silly as leaving a new relationship when you are really interested because you wonder if the other person likes you, and panicked and decided ahead of knowing the final score that you have lost. This is not a puny, weak little guy. He just has an injury. Give it time to heal.

For the next month, do other activities that aren’t physical, such as going to movies or concerts, going out for dinners and lunches, and fun stuff such as kissing (and more). Forget the dancing and bowling for now, and let’s not even think about archery! There are so many other ways to get to know each other that don’t involve yanking his bad arm.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Christmas is coming and so is my whole family. I am thrilled, but don’t know where to put them. I inherited the parents’ three-storey home, and the only place to set up enough beds for all the cousins, nieces and nephews is in the basement room. I can’t ask my relatives to get hotel rooms when there are two storeys of real bedrooms for them.

Christmas morning could be a blast with everybody here. I guess the cousins could sleep in the rec room and accompanying bedroom, though it’s nothing much to look at. Any ideas? — Overwhelmed Overgrown Bachelor, Winnipeg

Dear Overwhelmed Overgrown Bachelor: Put the boys in one room and the girls in another, and give the girls a lock on the door to keep the bratty boys out. Deck the halls with boughs of holly and lights and big, cheap posters that kids will like.

During the day, set up big tables for games. Haul in a big tree for the group to decorate. Take lots of photos and encourage the kids to do it, too. Decorate the outside of your house with Christmas lights (they are even cheap at thrift stores right now).

Look up all the Christmas events going on in town, make a calendar of them and email it early, adding places to go sledding and skating. Their parents, aunts and uncles and older cousins can take them at different times. Then the others can party and visit together, cook and rest.

Look at it as a fun challenge to set this all up — think of it as a mini-reunion. Your friends and close neighbours may have roll-away cots and camping mattresses to lend you, or you can rent them. Start organizing now and you will have a Christmas with the family to remember forever.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography