Wife thought husband’s man bun was no fun

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 12/03/2018 (3086 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve grown my hair long and wear it in a man bun or ponytail for work. I love my hair. It is part of me and my new image. I like it because I had short hair for years in the corporate world, and then grew it out to the length of my university days. I’m now in a new job in creative work, so nobody minds my hair.

My second wife, who is considerably younger (in her 30s, I’m in my 50s), does not find my long grey hair attractive. She has threatened in the past to cut if off while I’m sleeping, which I strongly warned her against, but last night she waited until I was deeply asleep and snoring and cut off six inches! I still have enough for a stub of a ponytail but the man bun is gone.

I am shocked and stunned. I would never dream of altering anything on her body in any way, while she was awake or sleeping. Your body is your own, not a possession to be changed by somebody else when you’re unconscious. There’s something really creepy about what she did and she has opened the door to my leaving her.

I feel violated the way somebody would feel after a trauma such as a house break-in or a fire. She took scissors and just cut off my hair to suit her, while I innocently slept. I can’t imagine sleeping with her again in the same bed, and I’m moving my stuff into the basement. What do you think? She says I’m grossly overreacting and she thinks it’s a joke.

— Shocked By Her Violation, Downtown

Dear Shocked By Her Violation: What she did was definitely creepy. There’s something wrong with that woman’s mind. If that had been a date, and not your wife, would you even see her again? No, you’d be on your way. She isn’t the least bit remorseful and doesn’t understand that it was a serious violation. Therefore, she could pull something heinous again. You don’t mention any children between you.

Do you even want to ask her to come to counselling with you, or might you just want to get some counselling for yourself and say goodbye?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: There’s a simple answer to Frustrated Reader. (The woman with the boyfriend who won’t take his stuff and leave his girlfriend’s home after she demanded it. He also takes off on holidays on his own, without her.) The next time he goes on holidays, change the locks, have his bags packed, have someone with you when you return his belongings and, presto, you’re rid of him. Also, get a lawyer’s advice.

— Signed, JP

Dear JP: Several people have written in wondering how this guy could get away with mooching off his girlfriend like this for years. I have additional information now: it turns out he’s a trucker so he’s not there all the time, but has no place of residence other than her place. He just digs in his heels and refuses to leave, and she can’t physically push him out. I have seen an instance where the police have come to remove a guy — he got dropped off at a motel — and didn’t dare come back.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Last month, I wrote a letter to a woman I used to love, but I hurt and disappointed her five years ago when we were engaged. I heard she was single these days, and wanted to know if she might consider going out with me for dinner. I sent a note inside a Valentine’s card. She still hasn’t written me back and I know she got it because I know her mom, and she told me so. Not one word back. What else can I do?

— Still Hopeful, St. Vital

Dear Still Hopeful: You could stop bothering your old fiancée, for starters. She’s not responding because she doesn’t want to, and that’s all you need to know. Nothing else matters. She’s not reopening that old file and she doesn’t even care enough to respond. You didn’t mention what you did to cause the breakup, but it must have been bad because you didn’t take a chance on her hanging up on you.

As for calling her mother to sneak around and give you feedback on the situation, it’s time for you to grow up. Stop going back through your little black book looking for second chances.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I caught a glimpse of an old professor of mine at the mall. I ran to catch up with him and he was by himself. I asked him for coffee and we went to the food court. I hadn’t been drinking or anything, but I lost control of my tongue and told him I always had a crush on him.

He told me other female students have admitted the same thing in the past and believed it was because he taught a romantic subject. I felt crushed and like I had been taken down a peg to the level of many other girls who have had feelings for him. Do you think it was just his line to get rid of smitten former students, or was it true?

— Crushed Out Ex-Student, Winnipeg

Dear Crushed Out Ex-Student: It could have been a line, or it might be the simple truth. Either way, he won’t be taking up any more space in your heart and there will be room for someone else who is available and loves you back.

If you have a problem for Miss Lonelyhearts, please email her at mscurf@shaw.ca, or send your letters c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography