Affair was going fine until wife showed up

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This article was published 14/03/2018 (3084 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m having an affair, and it’s in jeopardy. I go on sales trips often to a city where this wonderful lady lives. I haven’t been caught, but I just had a scary near miss: my wife showed up. When I came back to the hotel room a few hours before meeting my girlfriend for dinner, I found my wife there. She arrived as a surprise. It was more like a shock.

I managed to get down to the lobby and call my lady friend to cancel dinner, and everything else. My wife and I were booked on the same flight home a day later, because she knew my itinerary, of course. She seemed suspicious, asked a lot questions about where I went and what I did in that city. (Or, that might just have been my guilt.) What now?

— Scared Spitless, Winnipeg

Dear Scared Spitless: Now you have to make a decision: end your affair or lose your wife. The suspicious feelings you’re picking up from your wife, and the fact she showed up unannounced, are two big clues to the fact that your wife is on the brink of discovering your affair. She took a horrible chance on catching you in the act.

You need to ask yourself some questions. Do you love your wife, or are you just fooling around because you thought you could get away with having two women in two different cities? Do you have a whole family of hearts to break at home? Are you in love with the other woman, and do you want to live with her?

Then take action. This is it. The time is up on the juggling act and you have to make a choice. If you don’t want your marriage to end then you have to break things off with your other woman, pronto, and have no more contact with her. Since you’re in a business that requires travel, you may be able to ask for a different territory, even if it isn’t as good as the one you have. You might do that under the guise of wanting the challenge of building it up. It may be too late, but consider trying to get your life back in order before everything falls apart.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife is causing me no end of trouble at work. She calls me five times a day and gets upset when I try to get her off the phone. I don’t want the blow-by-blow on diaper changes and feedings. She’s bored because she had a career and now she doesn’t have an outside job since the baby arrived.

I love her, but she’s really causing a problem in my office, which is small and people can hear other people talking on the phone unless they whisper. I’ve started doing a lot of whispering. Yesterday the boss called me in and asked what was wrong at home because it was affecting my work.

I went home and read my wife the riot act. She cried, and said that she thought I would be interested in the baby since I was missing so much by being at work. I assured her I didn’t need the baby’s every move monitored, and told her to get some interests or stoke up her friendships. I make quite a bit of money now and she’s welcome to stay home, but this is ridiculous. Her last blast at me was to buy her a car so she didn’t feel like she was in jail. Should I?

— Thinking About It, Downtown

Dear Thinking About It: It sounds like she’s going stir crazy being in the house alone with a baby who can’t converse in any language. How would you like to be the daily caregiver from the time your mate left home for work until she returned? That could easily be nine hours.

Your wife is calling you to keep herself sane. That woman needs a car and you can afford a used one, at least. Buy it and put a big bow on it!

Once she has wheels, there are lots of groups for moms like her that she would enjoy if she could get to them without a difficult hike to the bus or an expensive taxi. She is doing your part of the parenting. Some cool moms-and-babies groups are happening as part of Meetup Winnipeg (meetup.com). Also, community centres and gyms often offer classes for babies and moms. Help your wife, don’t harp on her.

She also needs a dependable babysitter for times she needs to get out and do things alone, especially grocery shopping or on dates with you. How about you make it so she doesn’t have to call you because she’s happy again. She shouldn’t feel like she’s a prisoner in her own home.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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