Feuding, boozing family bodes for a wretched Christmas

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 23/11/2019 (2469 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: We recently had a big family birthday for my dad, and boy, was it ever stressful. My family is known for being difficult, and that under-the-surface ugliness really reared its ugly head.

My oldest brother — late 30s — is dating someone we all think is just after his money, as there is a 15-year age difference. He’s made a lot of dough in his life, and a few smart investments. In short, he’s loaded, and the rest of us are not so badly off ourselves.

My dad got drunk, and in front of everyone loudly hinted he thought this girl was just another gold digger. That sent my embarrassed mother into a fury, and she went off on my dad like a cannon. She’s not shy. My brother’s girlfriend left crying and he chased after her, and my mom and dad continued going at it. I should mention, us “kids” are all in our early 30s, so when the parents started fighting, we tried to calm them down. Nothing was working. We grabbed our partners and kids and were out the door before dessert.

Now mom isn’t talking to dad — and he says he’s fine with that. He’s the very devil, and totally stubborn. They live together, in the castle of anguish. It’s putting pressure on all of us, and I don’t know what Christmas is going to look like. What can we do? We’re pulling our collective hair out.

— Spawn of Satan, Tuxedo

Dear Spawn: Since a “family Christmas” is a bad joke at this point and money doesn’t seem to be a problem, buy tickets for a trip to the Caribbean for the holiday and the parents can stay home if they wish. If mom wants to come without dad, why not? Dad is a spoiled bigmouth and to blame for causing this recent family hell. It might do him good to sit on his duff in the house alone, and rethink the damage his mouth has caused.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a single guy in my late 40s and I’m suddenly back on the dating scene. After an ugly divorce, I spent the past year getting my life back together in my new apartment. I think I’m ready to date again, and I never thought I’d say that. Where are some really good places to meet women my age? I’m an active guy and recreational sports were one idea I had, but I want to expand my horizons. Help a guy out?

— Finally Looking Into the Future, Osborne Village

Dear Finally Looking: You’re in your 40s, and divorced, so presumably looking for a woman 28 to 38 if you want to have babies with her, or 38 to 48 if you don’t mind sharing someone else’s children.

You don’t mention any of your own from your previous marriage. There’s also a growing group of women who are “child-free” and want to remain that way, and they’d be happy you didn’t have or want kids.

1) What are your passions? That’s where you will attract people suited you the easiest — sports or social activities you both love, waving signs at the same demonstrations, travelling to the same places to take photos, climb mountains, go hiking or help with a charitable cause. Getting into your passions with real action puts a smile on your face — that is what attracts people. It’s rare that any person’s smile is unattractive, even if they’re plain.

2) Consider moving into a house just outside the city, especially if you like pets, such as horses, cats and especially dogs. Create your own family and say goodbye to loneliness. If you genuinely love dogs, get yourself a medium to large dog or two and go walking in parks and popular walkways. It’s a well-known fact dogs are chick magnets. The ladies are attracted to the dog first, and that paves the way for you to talk with them.

3) If you want babies, say so to friends in general, and also to people at activities, and at your work. If you don’t want kids, say that, too. Be a walking advertisement for yourself by being totally you — not bragging, just showing people who you really are and what you want.

4) Fun winter idea: Rent a winterized cabin by a lake and invite people out to do winter activities — snowmobile, skate, build fires, ice fishing, guitars and singing. Fire up the barbecue, invent cocktails and name them after guests, and have people stay overnight for safety and more fun the next day.

5) Look at your high school and college yearbooks and see if there’s anyone you ever really liked and wanted to meet up with romantically when you got older. Find out if they are single and free.

6) If you need a certain kind of look to attract you, try the online dating app Tinder and start looking at photos of women that really attract you — but not the 20-somethings. That’s a dead end. Try to get into a back-and-forth conversation and meet people quickly for coffee or a drink or a walk at The Forks, where it’s busy and friendly, with lots of people around.

Those are my best ideas for you. Good luck!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography