Incompetent marriage proposal calls for scrutiny

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This article was published 24/06/2020 (2292 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was out driving with my boyfriend for three years and he gave me the lousiest proposal ever. He said, “If I asked you to marry me somewhere down the road, would you say yes?”

It just felt cheap — we were in a truck and he didn’t even stop driving. I said, “This is not a real proposal. It’s just embarrassing, like you’re cheating on an exam so you know the answer ahead of time. Take me home.”

So he did. Now we’re not talking, because I wouldn’t guarantee a yes, if and when he actually decided to ask me to marry him. Trouble is, I love him and want him back. Please help me!

— Hot Tempered, Steinbach

Dear Hot: Your boyfriend’s nervous, awkward question was on his mind because he’s thinking about the commitment issue after three years. That’s not an excuse. At any rate, it wasn’t the kind of proposal a person dreams about.

Does he love you romantically and do you feel the same? Or is it more of a friendship on his end, but he thinks you’re on the engagement path? That might account for a halfhearted proposal that might make you push him away.

Just pick up the phone if you want to start talking to him again, but you can’t skip over the proposal issue. It has to be talked out.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: One of my sisters cut three inches off my ponytail when I was passed out. We were all drunk up at the lake and had been playing pranks on each other all evening. Our parents were at home in the city and had trusted us alone.

I had so much to drink I was mouthy, said things I don’t remember and passed out. I was in terrible shock when I woke up and found my ponytail was half gone. Nobody touches my hair! I went looking for the guilty party — there was going to be hell to pay!

My sisters knew they were in trouble because they’d already hit the road together. I left the mess at the cabin, locked up and took off in my little car for home.

When I got there, the guilty-as-sin sister was waiting for me, looking dead sober with my parents behind her. My mom had her by the arm. She looked very upset, apologized profusely and cried, and said she would offer to let me cut my sister’s long hair. I could see that was my parents’ dumb idea to make things even. I said, “Don’t bother. I can see mom and dad are making you do it. It isn’t your offer. Besides, I couldn’t lower myself to do that to another person.”

I know she’s sorry, but I’m still really angry and not feeling forgiving, although I still love my sister, deep down. What do you suggest?

— Bad Sister Problem, Winnipeg

Dear Sister Problem: Tell the scissor-happy sister you will forgive her, but you can’t do it instantly just because the family wants peace right away.

You really need an auntie or a counsellor to talk this out with (someone other than your parents) where you can express your anger and you don’t have to watch your language.

Then you and your sister can talk together, with the third party there to help it along. Next, your sister should make a real apology, not one with mom holding/squeezing her arm.

Hopefully, then you can give your sister a hug and forgive her as she’s been through a lot since the unfortunate incident.

It was too much for the parents to work out, as there may be issues of sisterly jealousy involved here. And — you should know — young people getting dead drunk like that at a lake, with no adults around, is a set-up for bad and dangerous things to happen. No doubt your parents won’t leave you three alone at the lake anymore!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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