Subtle charm, not threats, will rekindle sex life

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 14/09/2020 (2198 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband and I have been having sexual problems since he started staying home to work and has commandeered one of the empty bedrooms for his office.

We’re in our early 40s with only one kid, and she is finally living with her boyfriend. I love her, but (forgive me) good riddance! Now, my husband and I can get back to having the wild sex life that brought her into existence.

But it seems my husband’s former great interest in sex has almost disappeared. I’m trying to re-ignite the fire!

The other night I appeared at his office doorway in a black lingerie outfit he used to go snaky over. He just looked at me over his glasses and made a weak joke: “If you’re not careful, you’re going to catch a cold in that outfit!”

I felt humiliated, and ran back to our bedroom and cried. What a sexual slug he has become, and what a mean thing to say!

There’s nothing wrong with his ability to have sex, but he’s just gotten too lazy to make any effort, so he tried to shame me instead.

Today is a different story. Now I’m mad! There’s a man who would love to be with me, who I know through work but not at my workplace.

How do I tell my husband he’s headed for trouble unless things change, without telling him there’s another guy in line? — Not Above Revenge, Windsor Park

Dear Revenge: Hang on! Before you outsource your sexual needs, it’s time for a big chat about what’s going on in your husband’s head.

You wanted to jump right into wild sex, but he may have needed to be warmed up, just as most women do.

He may not have known how sensitive you’d be to his “catch a cold” remark because you can be pretty tough-sounding yourself — like the crack about your daughter. But that remark made you cry so you’re not really that tough at all!

Instead of ambushing the man with a wild outfit while he’s still sitting at his work desk, it wouldn’t hurt to come into his office after his work’s done with a cute outfit on, refreshments and a warm conversation to start connecting.

Consider this: Maybe that’s as wild as he can get until he’s got that office door shut behind him and he’s free to be yours in the bedroom.

As for telling your husband there’s another man you could call on for sex, that’s the worst thing you could do. It’s a guaranteed backfire! You need to warm your relationship up, not make it colder.

Hubby’s not going to beg for a chance to be a better lover to you. In fact, he might be so mad he’d tell you to go ahead — and he might find someone else, too.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriends and I, who are in our 50s, play cards together weekly but can no longer do it because of COVID-19.

We each have our own families and a few close friends in a social bubble, so if we get together to play cards, that makes four bubbles together. We’d be sharing a lot of peoples’ moist stuff, if we were all laughing and talking across the card table.

And masks are not good enough when you’re facing each other at one metre. I hear saliva droplets can float like cigarette smoke in a room. Then there’s sipping drinks and eating snacks under your masks.

But we’re missing each other a lot now, as card-playing season usually starts in September. I really miss the talking, jokes, gossip and teasing. What do you suggest for us? — Missing Card Buddies Badly, Tuxedo

Dear Missing: For the next few weeks of September, it’s time to get your group seriously motivated and planning a new way of doing things together.

Start with researching online group games together like Scrabble, Uno and poker. You can assign a few people to research other games, and then choose a few. There are many!

Now, if you ladies always had a few cocktails at these card parties, you might be interested to know Japan got into online happy hours six months ago called “on-nomi.” It’s safer because you’re at home — and no driving involved.

Many people are using Facebook video chat or Zoom for fun visits that include friends from all over the world. No reason your card gang can’t group-chat like that sometimes, even when you’re not playing cards, and you can also include any former players who might have moved away.

Get your children and grandchildren over to get you hooked up and well-practised at all the fun games and chat apps online, and make sure you have good headphones with a built-in microphone for maximum connection and fun.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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