Time to take your scrapping sons’ issues seriously

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This article was published 15/09/2020 (2162 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boys are forever fighting each other. They are nine and 11 and could have so much fun playing, but instead they’re terrible enemies. It gets really nasty and hateful, with name-calling and hitting.

Last night they got into a pounding fist fight in the basement and I had to run downstairs and pull them apart. It ended up with an exchange of “I hate yous,” and one loose tooth.

I am so upset. I don’t what’s at the bottom of this. — Upset Single Mom, Winnipeg

Dear Single Mom: Take each of your boys for a separate ride, stop somewhere in a park and ask to hear, uninterrupted, all the complaints that child has about the other, big or small.

Write them down on a notepad right then, so the child knows he’s really being heard. Plus, you must ask each one when the trouble started, when things got worse, and why.

You may be surprised at what secrets these kids are keeping. They may have thought you didn’t want to hear about them, because you are too busy or you might get really angry at them.

Tell your boys you will think over all the problems, and see what you can do to help. Then take the child that’s with you for a treat — and a lighter talk about about games, school and things they’d like to do now that it’s fall.

Ask if the boys if they’d like to have more talks like this, and respect the answer — which could be “no.” Offer this: “You can always ask me for another park talk if you find you want one.”

If you figure some things out, and help the boys repair their relationship and get along together, great. But, if there are serious problems, you may need to see a counsellor with the boys, or have them see a counsellor at school on their own.

Now is the time to iron things out as puberty is on the horizon, which can further complicate problems if there’s bad blood between siblings.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have noticed a disturbing sequence of events in our bedroom. My new wife rewards me with special sexual favours, whenever I give her a gift.

I don’t know if she’s noticed the connection but she is so grateful and happy for gifts, especially if they’re gift-wrapped with a loving note, I can be sure that things will get really hot.

I stared to do it often, and make the gifts bigger and better if I want a really big thank-you reaction. But it’s gotten so there’s not so much sex when I don’t give her anything, just maintenance sex.

It used to be better before there were gifts involved other than birthdays and other holidays.

Now I feel like I’ve strangely ended up with a pay-for-sex situation. But my beautiful wife is a regular lady, not a prostitute. Have I taught her to be one? How do I change things back?— Feeling Weird About It, Westwood

Dear Feeling Weird: It’s not her fault, and you know you accidentally trained her, so the last thing you should do is tell her sex now has that feel with her. That could end up with your wife feeling shamed by you, and may diminish or end your sexual relationship.

What you might suggest is starting a give-and-get with the gifts, maybe little presents to each other from sex shops, just for fun.

Once she gets into giving you gifts too, she might tire of the expense. She might say, “Let’s cut back on the gifts thing and we’ll still a have a great time together in bed.”

You really need this to come from her lips, not yours.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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