Offer of ‘no-strings’ sex smacks of game-playing

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 13/10/2020 (1827 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just got the boot from my girlfriend two weeks ago. Then three nights ago, she phoned at 2 a.m. She’d been doing some drinking. She wanted to know if I’d be willing to have a no-strings night of sex! She said she was scared to start dating someone she doesn’t know well, until COVID is over.

Too bad! She had a lot of nerve trying to use me.

She defended herself by saying she dumped me because the relationship “wasn’t going anywhere.” I know her well. By that, she meant I hadn’t given her an engagement ring. I know she was trying to use the threat of breakup to get a diamond out of me. So I said, “I’ve been OK without you for two weeks already. I’ll live!” and hung up soon after.

I’ll admit it was tempting to accept her offer of sex, because I sure could have done with some action. But, the thought of kissing her scheming little face after what she did, turned me off. I thought I didn’t want to see her again. Before I hung up, she muttered something about one of my hockey buddies having the hots for her.

My closest friend then informed me that he heard she went over to see this guy after I refused her. I feel sick to my stomach. The truth is I’m still in love with her, and deep down I thought this was just another bad fight — another power struggle with her.

I don’t want that jerk to have her. And what if that guy gave her COVID? Should I go see her and try to get her back? How do I keep myself safe? I’m so messed up now.

— Hurting Badly, North Kildonan

Dear Hurting: The real question here is: “Does this woman actually love you?” It seems not. She was able to take the chance on losing you, in the first place. Then she’s back two weeks later, offering a one-night sex deal. When you refused, she opted for revenge by dropping in at your hockey buddy’s place.

She is not acting like a woman in love. She’s acting like a woman trying to get her way and to hurt you for rejecting her body that night. Her heart does not seem to be truly engaged here. Don’t take a chance on getting hurt again, once she’s tired of what you have to offer.

The other problem? If she was intimate with Hockey Guy — even just cuddling close and kissing — you’re taking a chance on getting the COVID-19 virus through her. If you do get her back, you’d need to keep away from her for two weeks after her last date. Good luck with telling her that.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m usually a loner, but got in with a lake crowd that was about 10 years younger than me this summer. Within a month, this beautiful young woman joined the pack. She was another five years younger and had a boyfriend who was away for the summer.

She looked oddly familiar — tall, long dark hair — but I didn’t recognize her last name at all. I found myself very attracted to her.

I just found out why she looked familiar. She got my number and called me up, and it turns out she is related to my ex-girlfriend. She was hinting she wanted to get together, but she’s 15 years younger than I am. What do you think?

— Tempted By Her, Charleswood

Dear Tempted By Her: This situation reeks of family politics and trouble. Don’t let yourself be drawn into it! This young woman is going after you because it’d be kind of a “kick” to be able to say she dated you — and an even bigger one if she takes you to bed.

I take it your ex might be closer to your age — an aunt or an older cousin to this younger woman maybe? You’d be the older man who was able to attract her. News like that gets around in families faster than you’d think.

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.