Self-centred ex is the dog you should ditch

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 14/10/2020 (1826 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend and I broke up six weeks ago, and I got a medium-sized dog because I was so broken. I love her!

Last week my guy and I finally made up, and had a wonderful weekend together, until he said, “Now you don’t need that brainless dog. Get rid of it!”

I felt myself go stiff and cold in his arms. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. She’s a pup, for heaven’s sake, not brainless, and I’m keeping her, but not him — if I can help it. He has the fat-headed idea he’s the best thing that has ever happened to me — and I shouldn’t need anything more than him, his friends and his income.

He spoils a girlfriend rotten, but the “payment” is to live his lifestyle and drop your own. Oh, yeah, and also do what he says all the time!

I told him I’m walking out of this relationship for the last time. He just laughed. He thinks I’m weak, so he keeps phoning to find out if I’ve “come to my senses yet.”

Actually, I’m 21, and I need to make this breakup stick. But when we were broken up before (twice) he just kept on calling and calling until I got so lonely he could reel me back in.

Please tell me how I can keep myself strong and independent this time. As everybody knows, it’s almost impossible to find a new boyfriend during a pandemic, but I’m willing to try. — Lonely But Determined, North Kildonan

Dear Determined: Finding a new boyfriend to cling to is not the answer. It’s not about staying away from anybody or hanging on to them to take you for a ride.

That ex-boyfriend of yours is only going to get worse. Be glad you’re realizing it now, as you could be in danger down the road staying with a mentally abusive guy like this.

The key to success for you now is to create a full, new social life tailored to your own interests, old and new. Here’s an idea: Outdoor and nature-oriented activities are still happening during this COVID-19 pandemic. You don’t need much money for them, and they’re quite safe if you stay two metres apart from others.

Many people are out there in the fresh air with close buddies and animal friends having a good time. You might want to take your little dog out for company, love and protective barking on these adventures. Right now, you probably have a very small bubble of safe people around you so get out taking walks — a great place to talk and renew friendships.

You may think you don’t know many people, but if you look at your whole life, you most likely do. Start getting in touch with people of all ages you have known — including grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends from different school years. Tell them you might throw a victory party — when COVID is vanquished. (That’s an excuse for calling.)

After contacting people by Facebook, email or other means, try to next to make contact by phone, so you can hear each other people’s voices again! People really value personal conversations now — not just online ones — because so many are feeling isolated, just like you.

Also, learn to be expressive with words of praise, encouragement, humour and caring. Physical expressions like hugs and kisses are great when it’s safe — but sweet words and heartfelt compliments are remembered long after.

You need to make a list of activities you like to do and post it on the wall so you don’t slide into boredom and sadness over losing this boyfriend. Then you won’t feel like you’re “minus a boyfriend” but that you’re “plus an exciting new life” with renewed friendships as well, and you don’t need that guy. He’s not your one and only anymore!

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My brother took the keys to my car without asking and got into a fender-bender with it — all his fault.

He begged me to say he had my permission to my parents, but really he “stole” the car. Because he’s my brother I forgave him.

My parents are furious with him, but I know he feels really bad, and sorry.

Now, it’s a weird situation at the dinner table with only me trying to make conversation. How do I end this family fight? — Hating the Silence! Winnipeg

Dear Hating the Silence: You are the one wronged, so you can be the generous one and make things peaceful. You should say, “Mom and Dad, I am the one whose car was taken, and I have forgiven this goof. He is really sorry and will never do anything stupid like that again. I need you to stop being cold to him on my account, and to forgive him, too. Don’t drive him out of the house by doing this. Let’s start talking as a family again.”

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.