This might be last call for good-time Charlie

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 27/01/2021 (2033 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Since the pandemic, I’ve noticed my husband of five years has a drug and alcohol problem, or is it a sex problem?

Prior to the pandemic, my husband and I had a very active social life — parties and also going to the bars to listen to our favourite bands. We would dance and drink the nights away. After the partying would end, we’d go home and make wild, passionate love.

While living in the COVID quarantine, I’ve noticed a horrible pattern. My husband can only make love to me if he is high on drugs or alcohol. I mention this to him the following morning, after finally getting a night of great sex. He didn’t skip a beat with his response: “Maybe take better care of yourself.”

I may have gained a few extra pounds, but I do take pride in my personal appearance. I might add he is no Adonis himself, and needs to lose the beer belly and put some muscle back on his flabby arms, but I adored him for the man he is, or I thought he was.

He shattered my heart. I could never have imagined this is what he thought of me! Since that hateful comment, I’ve been watching my calories and exercising, but I just can’t get his ugly advice out of my head, and I feel no desire for him now. Where to go from here?

— Fading Love? Brandon

Dear Fading: Other than the COVID weight you’ve both gained, the big thing that’s changed in your lives is the socializing — you’ve lost music, dancing, people, fun — that went along with the drink and drugs. The whole scene used to create a hot and happy mood for your guy, stirring his blood which resulted in hot sex afterwards at home.

Then everything changed: Inactivity and boredom bred discontent and depression. Depressed people feel negative and critical, and can lash out when they’re criticized. Plus, they very often lose their sex drive.

When you accused your husband of only being able to make love if he is high on booze or drugs, he lashed out at you. Calling down your looks was a knee-jerk reaction, sure to hurt you, and possibly make everything feel like it was your fault.

You reacted predictably, by taking on the blame, feeling ugly and getting yourself on a diet and exercise program. You should know that isn’t going to jack up his sex drive. He needs the old lifestyle back with friends, partying, drinking and getting high.

As for you, he may or may not still have you when COVID is over, when you’re looking healthy and smashing, and possibly looking around for a sweeter man with no addictions.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My young son — a sweet guy so loved by his mom and me — is a constant video gamer and I’m worried he is spending too much time on it. Also, the games he most prefers are very violent. I just finished looking into what he spends hours per day on and I’m shocked. What is he seeing in the privacy of his bedroom and internalizing? What weird friends is he making we don’t know about?

Yes, we’ve been in the middle of a pandemic for nine-plus months, so he really is trapped at home, but he’s only 14 and he’s truly obsessed. I’m afraid they will bend his mind.

I want him to have a good life and worry he will waste all his time on these games. What should I do?

— Worried Dad, Fort Garry

Dear Worried Dad: Perhaps your teenage son needs to be outside experiencing a new activities with you — like cross-country skiing, snowshoeing, sky watching with a telescope, or creating a home rink for skating, puck practice or family broomball.

Then there’s also geocaching for you two — or the whole family! That’s searching on foot or by car, using a GPS receiver or mobile device to find prizes or geocaches and replace them with little prizes of your own. You’ll find lots of helpful local information on the Manitoba Geocaching Association website mb-geocaching.com. There are thousands of caches to find in every neighbourhood and rural area, always hidden out of view.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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