More active kids could make for happier home

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This article was published 26/01/2021 (2083 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My kids are ruining my marriage. Things were so great before we had kids. My wife and I had a great sex life, we were in love, we had movie nights, cooked together and more.

She wanted a big family and to stay home. I was keen to keep her happy, so I said yes. I had no idea what I was agreeing to. We now have three kids and they are very demanding, plus they break things constantly, fight, yell, pull hair and cry. By the time my wife and I put them to bed, we both feel like being alone.

It’s making me very depressed, as I see her pulling away from me and isolating herself. How can I tell her how I feel without her thinking I’m just complaining? The kids are screaming all day, every day, and we rarely have a moment. I’ve tried to talk to her before, but she just says, “You think your life is hard?”

— Kids Ruining Marriage, East Kildonan

Dear Kids Ruining Marriage: Children don’t really want to see their frazzled parents pulling out their hair and openly resenting them. They’d be much happier if there was some loving but firm control in the home. They also need one-on-one parent time — just playing with dad or mom. Consider taking the two oldest out and leaving the youngest with mom, while you go skating or tobogganing.

And here’s a thought: Could you make a little rink or a snow fort? You can buy liners to fill for rinks or just build them from scratch. Outdoor play makes kids healthier and stronger — not to mention tired in a happy way, and easier to put to bed at night.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a family physician who read your advice to Upset Grandmother. (This widowed, 50-ish woman wants to start dating a divorced man she knows from high school whom she’s only seen on masked walks outdoors twice. I suggested they both needed COVID testing before dating. —Miss L.) You could contract COVID today, and your test would be negative for a few days, so a negative test would be false reassurance.

Up until recently, under Winnipeg’s code-red restrictions, he was not allowed to go to her house. Now that code-red rules have been eased somewhat, it’s her decision about having him in her small bubble, but COVID testing to do so makes no sense.

Every day there is theoretical risk of new contact with the coronavirus, just being out and about in the world, so are you thinking they should do weekly or twice-weekly testing just to date each other? Absolutely impractical.

COVID tests are not unlimited, and they should be reserved for specific, medically indicated circumstances: those with symptoms suggestive of a COVID-19 infection or those who have had exposure to a known case. It makes more sense to expand testing for those who are working in high-risk environments like long-term care homes to protect those most vulnerable.

— Concerned Physician, Winnipeg

Dear Concerned: This widowed lady lives all alone, but she loves to babysit her grandchildren, so they have a bubble. Her daughter is upset and demanding tests for both her mother and the new man if she wants to see her grandkids again.

In this case, it can be argued Grandma should respect the family bubble and just see her daughter and grandkids, and forget the man. Grandma’s new male interest goes to work and has a bubble there already. Or, she could get tested along with the fellow, form a bubble with him and stay away from her daughter and grandkids.

You make the point that COVID tests should be reserved for medically indicated circumstances. Consider the emotional and mental states of single people who have been alone and lonely for close to a year, and have no one in a bubble with them under their roof. There’s a steadily climbing rate of depression now, and people are requiring medication to address it. A friend or lover living in, forming a little bubble, can help alleviate loneliness and depression. Perhaps more new tiny bubbles need to be formed and testing could be part of that.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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