Ostrich approach to strife, suffering no solution

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 18/03/2022 (1600 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Mis Lonelyhearts: First we have COVID, and next thing we know we have a war going on! What next? Why are we being visited by one catastrophe after another? How are we supposed to cope?

My friends and I have been talking about all this every night on the phone and online. I feel really anxious and upset, like I just want to bury my head and make it go away. What should I do to stop this mounting anxiety?

— Scared and Anxious, Osborne Village

Dear Sacred and Anxious: You’d feel better if you stopped trying to hide from what’s going on and really investigated the political situation thoroughly, through a variety of media sources. Once you let yourself look at what’s really going on, the fear of the unknown often diminishes somewhat.

The best way to further decrease anxiety is to look for ways to actively help other people in difficulty, right here and now through charities, churches and other organizations. For a wide range of current needs, check out opportunities at Volunteer Manitoba (volunteermanitoba.ca). Try to get one or two of your anxious buddies involved with you, or just do it on your own. If anxiety continues, see your doctor who may prescribe an anti-anxiety medication or counselling.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Although I have a good job and people respect me, my husband has been “the boss of me” for 24 years. We had kids, so I didn’t leave him — or at least that was my excuse.

Well, he’s finally left me for another woman. I know this woman from involvement in winter sport in our little town. She stopped coming to play here about the time my husband started being seen in the bigger town where she lives. News travels fast in the country.

He moved out last week, when I was at work — mostly sneaking his clothes out. He’s done! I will never let him back now that I’ve been publicly disgraced.

The problem is, what do I tell the kids who are living In Winnipeg? They might know, but aren’t saying anything to me. Do they need to be told in person? I don’t know if their father even talks to them. He’s never been that close.

— Confused “Single” Mom, rural Manitoba

Dear Mom: If you’re feeling relieved, chances are your grown kids will also be OK. Phone them to tell them what’s what, and let them know you feel relieved. Chances are they won’t be surprised! Kids know much more than we think about how things really are between their parents. They’ve been reading facial expressions and tones of voice for years.

Still, tell them what’s happened, and that you’re feeling relieved. They may have been hoping for this to happen. Reassure them you’re keeping your job and have enough money to live.

Make sure to consult a lawyer ASAP about the house, division of property and a divorce. Whatever you do, don’t stay tied to this man in some way to spite the other woman. Some cheating men actually want to keep their old marriage tie in the background, so the new woman won’t pressure them for a commitment.

That doesn’t benefit you in any way, as you need to live freely and enjoy your life now. If you are fine, the kids will have a feeling of peace. Then you can build a new social life, and possibly a new love life down the road.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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