Be positive, proactive to integrate new beau

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This article was published 31/05/2022 (1534 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend satisfies me in every way. But still, it’s not perfect. I have to admit he didn’t even finish high school and he has a boring warehouse job that he says “isn’t worth talking about.”

He has no hobbies, except watching sports on TV and weight-lifting. He’s muscular, as his job keeps him really strong. And best of all, he’s from a Latino background and plays beautiful Spanish-style guitar.

I’m afraid he won’t go over well with my snotty brothers. This week my oldest brother said, “Why don’t you bring ‘mystery man’ out to the lake for games weekend?” That’s our special board games tournament in June.

My older family will be polite to him, but my brothers will probably think he’s another boy toy, and they can be snotty.

This boyfriend is much more than a sex object to me! He may not be educated, but he’s kind, loves animals and kids, and can play music to break your heart. How can I navigate the lake scene?

— He’s not their Style, River Heights

Dear Not Their Style: Keep your visit short — two days with one overnight — unless the family begs for longer after you’re there and it’s clear they like him. Be sure to bring lots of interesting food and drinks, so your brothers start off feeling full and grateful.

Also, spring for a new board game to introduce to the group. Make sure you and your guy both know how to play it beforehand, so you’re in the position of control.

If things are going really well, maybe your new sweetheart could be convinced to play his guitar by the water in the evening?

Prepare on the way to the cabin by briefing your new man on things he might have in common with some of the family. Then, just let it go and stay positive.

If you do notice somebody getting snotty with him, intervene with something fun you “need” him to do, immediately. But then, who knows? Maybe your family will actually like this new boyfriend. Good luck!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m on Round 2 with the same girlfriend. We broke up because of her drinking problem, but then she went and got help, and persuaded me to give it another try with her. I used to love the girl, so I gave her another chance.

However, I’m now beginning to suspect she’s drinking again on the nights I don’t see her. I heard this week she’s been at her favourite bar. She didn’t tell me herself, of course.

So, I called her out on it. She replied, “I went to visit my friends — I didn’t drink!” Why don’t I believe her? I was so mad I phoned a mutual friend who was at the bar with her for hours. She swore my girlfriend “drank ginger ale all night.”

I can’t even picture that. She loves to drink hard stuff, in the ginger ale.

Will I ever be able to trust her? Should I just call it quits? Suddenly I have a bad stomach ache and I generally trust my gut.

— Ready to Run Again, downtown Winnipeg

Dear Ready to Run Again: Your girlfriend sneaked off to the bar, hoping you wouldn’t hear about it. That’s enough to make anyone suspicious.

In your letter, you said: “I used to love that girl.” It sounds like the deep love has already flown. At this rate, it isn’t about to come back.

You’d probably be happier if you backed off again — and this time, for good. Nobody wants to play the role of “warden” in their love relationship.

Of course it will be sad for both of you, but being on your own will give you a chance to find a better relationship that doesn’t have a built-in time bomb ticking away.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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