Brash makeover likely to mellow — without critique

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This article was published 25/02/2023 (1262 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was a retired truth-teller — it was a habit that got me nowhere with women. I was determined to stop being blunt and start being easier to get along with, in my next relationship. I decided I’d even start telling some “little white lies” as my mother used to call them.

That brings me to the white lie that back-fired last week. My girlfriend went out and got fake eyebrows. Then she came over to my apartment and asked me how I liked them. I gulped and half-lied, telling her she “looked very exotic.” She was so pleased!

The result of that? She had another beauty appointment yesterday and went for the whole deal — adding fake eyelashes so big they look like awnings. She’s a tiny girl with a slim body and small features. Now she looks like she’s a little girl wearing a Halloween mask.

Last night, when she first came in my apartment door, I gasped. She said, “You hate the way I look, don’t you?” and ran into my bathroom and cried.

I begged, and she didn’t go home, but she slept with her back to me all night. How can we get past my obvious disapproval and her embarrassment, and get back to loving each other?

— Stupid Guy, Downtown

Dear Stupid Guy: The “dramatic eyes” makeup fad gained traction during the worst of COVID as it was the only part of the face people could still decorate and show off while wearing protective masks.

It’s not up to you to decide anything about your lady’s face, and you will get used to it. Still, your girlfriend will probably decide to tone down the look a little, on her own. Eyelashes are easier to dial back, but eyebrows that have had micro-blading — often described as a “semi-permanent form of tattooing” — are definitely harder to change.

Instead of telling her any more white lies about her dramatic eye makeup, tap into Joe Cocker’s lyrics: “You are so beautiful to me!”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My best girlfriend re-gifted an expensive sweater she received for Christmas from her sister — to me on my birthday last week. She made a big fuss about the famous designer name to the friends who saw me unwrapping it.

I recognized it instantly, my face falling. My girlfriend actually wore the sweater from her sister to a party with all our friends after Christmas — and I was there! She was drinking end-to-end cocktails that night, as she has a big drinking problem. She told me that night she didn’t like the sweater, as it was “an ugly colour.” Obviously, her drinking blacked out that whole night in her memory.

I’m offended she pawned the ugly sweater gift off on me, instead of shopping for me. It’s not a matter of money — she makes lots at her job. She tells people I’m her “best friend,” but she’s often rude to me if there are more interesting people around. What do you think?

— Hurt by Her Re-Gifting, Southdale

Dear Hurt: It’s dangerous having close friends who are rude and thoughtless, because you never know when you’ll be next in line to be hurt.

This re-gifting incident should only be valuable to you as an eye-opener. You don’t need to patch it up. This girlfriend is only your friend if there isn’t somebody around she considers more interesting. Plus, you don’t need to involve yourself in solving her drinking problem.

Instead, expand your friendship circle now, and be on the alert for a new bestie who is sincere and thoughtful, and not a problem drinker.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m happily pregnant again, and my husband is furious. This would be our last child together — I always wanted three.

I gave him a chance to prevent No. 3 with condoms, but he is so spoiled he didn’t want to use them. I refused to go back on the pill and prevent a baby I really wanted. So now, what’s done is done, and he’s taking it badly.

He said I “tricked” him and he’s disappeared. It’s been a couple of days, but he has a job, and I can reach him there when I’m ready. I’m a strong woman with a good job and I will give him up before I give up this baby.

His brothers’ wives are on my side, and have told me they won’t be taking him in. I don’t know where he’s gone, but I will give him a couple weeks to think. What should I do in the meantime?

— Pregnant with No. 3, Winnipeg

Dear Pregnant: You’ve done what you wanted to do, and in a number of months, if all goes well, you’ll have your third child. You may or may not have a husband, but you’ve faced that possibility.

I sense some games-playing going on, but since you’re serious about continuing this pregnancy — and your husband is missing in action, at least for now — start planning. It’s time to organize finances and the legal aspect of what lies ahead if you don’t stay together.

You don’t want to be begging for support money every month from your children’s father. There will need to be a plan in place for a legal separation with visitation and support. Talk to a financial adviser and a lawyer now. It’s hard to go it alone with three children, but it can be done.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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