No one wins in a workday stress competition

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This article was published 24/02/2023 (1262 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m living with serious daytime work anxiety, and my wife thinks she’s the only one badly off. Poor baby! OK, I admit she’s having to put up with a tense and difficult husband. I wake up in the morning a bundle of nerves, talking to myself and rhyming off a list of all I have to do before the first of three big meetings every day.

But then she has the nerve to compete with me: “You think you’ve got it bad? I’m a teacher and blah blah blah.” Then she starts giving me her “logical” suggestions that begin with, “Just do this, just do that, and everything will be all right.” Everything is never all right when she’s telling me how to do my job! She doesn’t even have to go in to work until 8 a.m., and I’m tied in knots by 7 a.m. I don’t know what do.

We really do love each other — on the weekends — but we can’t stand each other five days of the week. On top of that, I don’t know where our sex life went except for on Saturday nights. What do you think of private bedrooms? I’d love to have one! But, would that totally kill our sex life?

— Stressed to the Breaking Point, Southdale

Dear Stressed: You suffer acute morning anxiety, and could do with a private place to wake up, face the demands of a new work day and get out the door without fighting with your wife. Lots of couples miss having private bedrooms of their own where they can shut the door and enjoy a tiny bit of real estate that’s all their own.

Couples with their own bedrooms don’t need to lose their sex lives. With no kids around, you two can make love wherever you want to. And if each of you has a restful room when it’s time to sleep or zone out watching TV, you don’t have to struggle to get to sleep beside a partner who’s lying awake, stressing about the next day.

Your anxiety level is so high you really need to see a doctor for a “confession session” and a full physical checkup. “Stress kills,” is a two-word warning sometimes spotted on posters, and there’s truth in it. Human beings are resilient enough to deal with stress, but not in daily high-stress episodes like you’re experiencing.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I accompanied an old friend to a hockey game last weekend, and accidentally ran into my recent ex-husband. He was with the woman I accused him of seeing when we were married, and he had denied it to the end. I tapped him on the shoulder and said one word to him: “Liar!”

He laughed an ugly laugh, and said, “Serves you right!” Something died inside of me at that moment. I don’t want any relationships anymore. When people get inside you, they’re in a position to hurt you. I hate that. I have been hurt so much by people. I feel so tired, beat up and unimportant.

— A Broken-Hearted Ex-Wife, southern Manitoba

Dear Broken: Don’t give this ex-husband so much power. You’re finally rid of him for good! He’s mad because you finally found out the truth — and it’s what you suspected. He knows he lost every last shred of your respect in that moment. It was a well-deserved blow to his ego.

Now’s the time to take back your power as a human being, but you’ll need good help. First, make an appointment with your doctor for a complete physical examination. If you don’t have your own doctor, Klinic Community Health (klinic.mb.ca) and the Women’s Health Clinic (womenshealthclinic.org) are two many-faceted resources for you in Winnipeg.

Explain what you’ve been going through and ask for referrals, so you can get back on your feet. Tell the doctors your goal is to become stronger and happier than you’ve ever been. Medical professionals enjoy helping those who want to help themselves.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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