Personal magnetism comes in all shapes, sizes

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This article was published 28/02/2023 (1265 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: There’s this overweight girl in my Grade 11 class with a big chest, beautiful hair and green eyes that smoulder. When she talks, it’s kind of a purr — but a natural low voice, not put on. People shut up to hear her! All the guys hang around her like tomcats. They just want her to look back at them and say something — anything.

Girls like me just want to know her secret. Meanwhile we’re busy knocking ourselves out to attract certain guys (or girls), lose those last 10 pounds, or just find somebody special to hang out with on the weekends. Without having a perfect body, she has guys trying to hang all over her.

I know for a fact she’s not “easy.” My two good-looking brothers are also in my school, quite popular and claim to know what’s-what, but they can’t get close to her either. They are also fascinated, and can’t explain why. Can you explain it?

— Puzzling Over Her, south Winnipeg

Dear Puzzling: Some people have a mysterious kind of magnetism — and it has nothing to do with having a perfect body. It’s a kind of knowing confidence, a mysterious attractiveness that pulls people in — but doesn’t let them right in.

It’s like these attractive people can afford to wait for someone really special. They know it’s going to happen, and until then, they just find everybody else to be mildly interesting.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Since Christmas my wife has been telling me I’m clingy, and she doesn’t have time for hanging out with me. She cites her stressful job and the two kids. Oh yeah? I just found out she has time for someone else!

At first I didn’t see it, thinking this new woman she really likes at work was just a friend. But now they even have nicknames for each other. I also heard them talking baby-talk to each other when they were baking a Valentine’s cake in the kitchen recently. They said the cake was “for the little kids.”

I don’t think so. That’s the way my wife used to talk to me, when we were falling in love.

Then last week my Mom became seriously ill. I had to rush home to my small town to see her at the hospital. It was worse than I’d thought, and she hasn’t long with us. My wife took that opportunity to have overnight company.

When I got back, my daughter told me: “Mommy’s friend with the long hair stayed at our house when you were away. She slept in the big bed, with Mommy.” Her little brother added, with tears in his eyes, “They locked the door on us, and we couldn’t come in to read books in the morning!”

I’m burning up — I won’t stand for it. But, here’s the most difficult problem: I know the kids’ Granny is not going to live long, and they don’t need their parents to break up now. What should I do?

— Seriously Upset Dad, St. James

Dear Dad: Sometimes parents have to “fake it” in their own relationship to get their children through complicated, painful times. With your mom dying and a breakup pending, this is one of those times.

What you could do for yourself right now is quietly consult a relationship counsellor. Spill everything about your marriage, kids, seriously ill mom and your wife’s new lady friend. That doesn’t mean you have to do something radical like breaking up, right away or at all. But, do tell your wife what the children have noticed and brought to your attention, and that they are hurting — and so are you. Ask her to stop destroying your family. She might be shocked enough to do that.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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