Clearly let insistent ex know you’re moving on

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 16/03/2023 (1290 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My most recent ex is a lesbian and I’m bisexual. She lives in the same neighbourhood as I do. I’ve broken up with her and I’m not responding to her online or on my phone. I haven’t blocked her entirely as she’s harmless, but I’m sick of her shadowing me.

She’s started leaving love notes in my mailbox this week, and neighbours have seen her come and go from my place. What should I do now, get mad, and yell at her to leave me alone? I’m going to start seeing another person I’m interested in soon — a guy — whether she likes it or not, so time is of the essence. Help please!

— Frustrated Ex, North End

Dear Frustrated Ex: She may need to know you’re going to start dating someone new in order to accept it’s all over with — and accept the fact there’s nothing more she can do. It’ll be hard news for her. Tell her gently that no apology or offer to change on her part is going to do the trick and win you back — your feelings have just run out. Sometimes that kind of negative certainty is what is needed to turn the other person away.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: You’re right about “Fit and Frustrated.” (That’s the fit female runner who wrote in, who is married to an inactive ex-football player. —Miss L.) They do need a sport to enjoy together.

I suggest Ultimate Frisbee. There’s a huge local league in the summer that welcomes all levels of players. And, if they like that, there are winter leagues as well.

The woman could put her running skills to use, and the man would get a great workout as well. Best of all, the game is fun to play, especially at the beginner level, which is less competitive than more advanced leagues.

I played for years — from my 30s into my 60s — and have experienced the fitness and social benefits of this great game. Contact the Manitoba Organization of Disc Sports (MODS) or email opsdirector@mods.mb.ca for more information.

— Wanting to Help, Winnipeg

Dear Help: Agreed! Ultimate Frisbee would be a good solution for this pair. It combines exercise with fun, sociability and real competition, which is what an inactive footballer misses. He needs a reason to run hard. You can’t ask a competitive player like that to go for a nice jog in the forest, and expect him to be excited about it.

On the other hand, Ultimate Frisbee is a sporting challenge, offering fun and new friends as well. That could be the combo that finally gets this guy off the couch. It’s also an experience that’ll reawaken his body and his player mentality. Luckily, muscle has a kind of “memory” and can snap back very quickly.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I hate this waiting around! I left my girlfriend for good reason: She’s never available when I am, and I need what every guy needs — love, attention and sex — and not necessarily in that order. We were crazy about each other before she quit full-time university last month (ran out of money) and got herself a job.

That wrecked everything for us. She’s drinking heavily after her shift at a restaurant/bar and staying up until 3 or 4 a.m. with her “work” friends. She sleeps it off and finally gets up in the afternoon. That’s when she often phones my platonic friend to try to get info on me. Then she goes back to working and drinking.

Miss L., I have a great job waiting for me in May, but I’ll still be working hours that don’t coincide with hers. What should I do?

— Angry, But Still Missing Her, Wolseley

Dear Angry: Back off before you get bitten! You left your girlfriend to discipline her for getting a job to pay for food and a place to live. Then suddenly, she wasn’t readily available to give you attention and sex, and now (horrors!) she’s partying with her workmates, not you.

While it’s true she still checks up on you via a third party, that doesn’t mean she needs a guy like you back.

Let her be! She may come looking for you again — if and when she gets back on top — but be aware that may be just to give you a thrill, and then reject you. Why? Because you dumped her when she was down, and people don’t forget that.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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