You’ll have to bend on year-round cottage life

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 07/11/2023 (708 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new wife told some big lies. She pretended she liked sharing my four-season cottage life — until we got married a few months ago. That goes for a lot of other things she seemed to enjoy about my semi-rural lifestyle, but suddenly doesn’t!

I can go into the city once a week and work remotely from my cabin for the rest of the week — and so can she! I mistakenly thought we were quite the match. Then last week she couldn’t stop crying and told me she feels “marooned in the snow” out here in the country, and needs to live back in the city. I do have to admit that most of my friends she liked and bonded with here from spring to fall are now living back in the city for the winter.

I don’t want to pack it in and head back, and she doesn’t want to stay here much longer “now there’s snow and it’s dead quiet,” as she puts it. She says she’ll “lose her mind” if she stays all winter in the country.

I love dead quiet. I love the snow. I love my rural life. I only have to drive into the city once a week for work. Now she’s talking about kicking her renters out of her old place in the city so she can have two spots to stay. What should I do?

— Feeling Powerless, Whiteshell

Dear Powerless: Time for you to compromise! It’s useless to try to fight your new wife on this situation. She wasn’t lying; she just made a big mistake in thinking she could stand living at the beach once most people have gone home until next spring.

If you love her and don’t want to lose her — and she likes being at the beach with you eight months a year — that’s not a terrible deal. You’ll get what you want for living space, 12 months a year.

So, encourage her do what she has to do to feel sane. If she’s a city person at heart, you can’t force her to like rural life in a small community in the winter. You can still visit her in the city two days and an overnight a week throughout winter — or even more than that. You should at least give it a try!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I backed into my first love’s pickup truck while I was on my own picking up some big sale items my husband and I could use for our four-season cabin. When my ex saw it was me, he was suddenly flustered. First he said, “I’m sorry,” but then he yelled, “No, I’m not! You hit me hard!” I started to laugh and moved toward him. (He was always funny.) Then he shouted loudly, so other people could hear, “Bet that felt good to you — getting even with me!” I then said, “Don’t overrate yourself!”

Then we looked at each other, and we were thinking the same thing. This was how we used to play-fight, before we’d have the best sex ever! He nudged me straight towards the bar he’d just left, and I went willingly. We stayed too long, eating pizza and drinking. Then we had a prolonged kiss in the parking lot.

I went home frustrated and picked a fight with my husband! Now I realize I have nothing at home. My husband and I cooled off after two years of marriage, and I don’t even want to start a family with him. I’ve been dragging my feet, thinking about leaving him all summer and fall.

My old ex says he’s “very available” and I’m tempted, but he’s still a drinker. What should I do? Winter is coming and I don’t want to be all alone in the cold and dark for five months.

— So Tempted! St. James

Dear Tempted: Maybe this fender-bender is exactly what you needed. This “accident” highlighted the fact you’re at a critical crossroads in your life. Your marriage isn’t working, and you need to figure out what you want to do with your personal life — and perhaps have a family with the right guy, before it’s too late! Your problem would be super-sad if there were only two men in the world. Luckily, that’s not the case.

What you think you’re deciding between is taking your marriage into counselling for a tune-up or getting back with the sexy parking lot guy who is still drinking. Maybe you should opt for door No. 3 and the unknown.

Bottom line? This should be the winter to take yourself into serious counselling to figure out what you want to do with your heart and soul — and your dreams of having a family. If you can get your private life figured out, there’s probably enough time to meet someone solid and make your long-term dreams come true. But if you keep on dragging your feet, maybe not!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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