Vengeful ‘player’ likely after more than platonic pal

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This article was published 14/11/2023 (1006 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Forgive me if I sound bitter, but I just found out my wife has been seeing her ex-husband “as a platonic friend,” or so she says!

Her ex — a player from way back — has never had a woman in his life as a “non-sexual” friend. I know that because we all come from the same small town. He and I used to played baseball and hockey on the same teams, and chase the same girls. He got my current wife pregnant at 17 and then he got caught cheating on her, and the marriage broke up.

I married her a few years later, and he was already three new girlfriends along. Then he finally married again. Just recently that marriage broke up too, and he moved into the city, got hold of my wife’s number and started calling her. Help!

He’s a country boy and no doubt lonely here, and he can be very charming to women. Add to that the fact he hates me for marrying his ex, even though he didn’t really want her at the time.

I’ve told her she had to make a choice and she said, “I married you, didn’t I?” and then she added, “So prove your love by trusting me!”

It’s that jerk I don’t trust, and not really her, although she was sneaking out to “have coffee” with him, until I found out. What should I do now?

— Suspicious Husband, West Kildonan

Dear Suspicious: There’s a weasel in your backyard, and he’s lonely and looking for revenge!

Your wife is back seeing a significant man in her life — her ex-husband, not just any old male buddy. They have a sexual history, and a child in common. Plus, he has it in for you, because you were his friend and went after his ex-wife.

You definitely need a referee to enter this game, in the form of a psychologist or marriage counsellor. At this point you must strengthen your marriage with your wife, or possibly lose her.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: When winter arrives I start to feel the annual depression. I feel even more upset this year because I recently retired, and my job was a great distraction from the weather outside. Now my wife is bugging me to “go south” and check out wintering down there.

Hey, I’m not a drinker or a party guy! I don’t want to sit around drinking tequila for four months, pretending to be happy for her sake. Can you help me?

— Never a Party Guy, East Kildonan

Dear Never a Party Guy: There are many species of snowbirds. The “party-hearty” lifestyle is only one of many in sunny places such as Texas, Arizona and Mexico. Start researching online and you’ll soon find there are artsy communities, sporty ones and places where people do a lot of charity work.

The big advantage for you going south is you won’t have to fight winter depression and you’ll be a happier guy. The sun shines most of the time, and it’s fun going outside. That in itself will put you in a mood to enjoy many new and different aspects of snowbird life.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just got out of a 19-year marriage and couldn’t be happier. My former wife claims she’s OK, but she won’t stop calling me in the afternoon just to chit-chat, like when we were married! I’m sick to death of this woman.

My new girlfriend grabbed the phone from me recently and told my ex-wife to go to hell. It’s a bad mess, and getting worse by the day. Please help!

— Trying to Get Loose, West End

Dear Trying to Get Loose: Be specific with these two following rules. First off, inform your ex-wife she has to stop calling, except when it comes to family problems with your shared kids or an emergency.

Secondly, tell her specifically not to call you in the afternoon to chat casually like she used to do, as your marriage is now over. Change things from your end, and her interest will start to wane.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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