Follow mom’s lead and let bygones be bygones

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 26/01/2024 (981 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My mom’s ex-husband — from when she was 19 and ran away with him to get married — has moved back to our town.

He used to be a big drinker, but now he’s sober. He has another wife now and kids younger than I am. I really wish he hadn’t come back here.

He caused my mom so much pain and embarrassment when she was young. I didn’t ever want to meet him, but here he is, larger than life. When he sidled over to me at the hockey rink yesterday, he said, “My God, you’re the picture of your mother when she was young.” Then he looked me up and down.

I gave him a scowl and moved off.

I don’t want this man trying to get friendly with me, but yesterday when I told Mom about it, she said she had been talking to him downtown and it was time to let bygones be bygones. What the heck is she talking about?

— Disgusted Daughter, southeastern Manitoba

Dear Disgusted: It isn’t surprising you were repulsed when your mom’s ex-husband reacted towards you like he did to your mom as a teen. You clearly let him know that — and it probably won’t happen again. Still, you don’t have to be friendly with this man when you bump into him.

Sometimes grown kids are eager to fight a parent’s old battle long after that conflict is over and done with. Your mom has obviously made peace with this difficult chapter of her past. Unless he makes another comment about your looks, also try to let it go. Consider being polite, though distant. You’ve already given him a scowl and a clear message to back off.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I went to Mexico early in December with my girlfriend, and I’m dying to go back again. Now that I’ve had a good taste of this deep freeze, I’m freaking out, and can’t wait to be on another plane south.

My girlfriend says she’s had enough Mexico and will be spending the rest of her winter travel budget going skiing with her girlfriends in Banff. I said, “Fine, but that means we’ll be on a break from our relationship for a few weeks.” She yelled at me: “If that’s what you want, we’re on a permanent break, starting right now!”

So, I guess I’m single now. My friends are happy I am single like the rest of them and they are excited about our trip to Mexico. They think we will have a great time. I’m not so sure. Now I’m thinking about what she’s going to do in retaliation. There are lots of single guys partying on ski trips in the mountains. What do you think?

— Freedom for What? St. James

Dear Freedom: Here’s what’s going on: you and your girlfriend just fought over the freedom to flirt and have sex with other people while travelling apart. If you were deeply dedicated to one another, you wouldn’t want to be travelling with single buddies and be far away from one another.

This break probably needed to happen, and here’s why: if it turns out you were both wrong and both miss each other badly while travelling apart, you’ll get back together again and be quite happy to travel as a happy duo in the future.

But if just one of you thoroughly enjoyed travelling with the freedom to be with other people romantically and sexually, then you’ll be finished for good.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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