Shift empty-nest mom away from leeching losers

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 17/02/2024 (959 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My mother is a strong woman with a weakness for men who “just can’t get a break” — or so they tell her. Since she and my alcoholic father broke up, she’s had a string of boyfriends with seemingly good work potential, but they always end up having “bad luck.” I think they’re just lazy!

Mom, on the other hand, was a high school teacher who always worked hard and brought in good money. When Dad moved out, she got their big house in the divorce and she took good care of us.

While we lived with her, there wasn’t room for any loser boyfriends to move in, but since the last of us “kids” moved out, some deadbeat boyfriends have talked their way through Mom’s door. They last a few months to a year, max. Then Mom gets tired of trying to help them get re-launched in the working world. They really just wanted to sponge off of her!

The trouble is, our big family home is pretty quiet now, but she still wants to live there. It troubles her when the house is empty, and she gets lonely. We want to help her. What do you suggest?

— Her Three Sons, Old St. Vital

Dear Sons: Your Mom has strong mothering/teaching instincts, so she might really enjoy renting her empty bedrooms to college students who are ambitious and “going somewhere.” She might even enjoy having boarders where she also provides the meals — like bag lunches and dinners in the evenings. The added bonus to group dinners is everybody gets together and shares the day’s experiences, and friendships are made.

It’s not just college kids who need accommodations. Some students from rural areas graduate from high school and come to the city to look for jobs, and need a place to board. These young people need a “home away from home” not just a bedroom. Your mom is the type to help provide that, and they would light up her life again, too!

Your mom would also be good at helping people manage forms and application for school and jobs, and might even be able to come up with good contacts in the working world for them.

Before saying anything to your mother, do some research at our universities and colleges to see what’s required for off-campus student housing, and also be sure to inquire about the legalities involved.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I love my gardens the same way other people love their pets. I even pray over my seedlings after I plant them, and I spend crazy amounts of money on exotic plants. But this year I suddenly have a big problem. I have three gardening friends who are passionate flower gardeners, like I am, and they recently asked me to come in with them on an exotic garden out at one of their farms — a small group project. I really just want to focus on my exotic garden in town! I’m the only holdout now. Are we doomed as friends because I’m being selfish over this?

— Big Gardening Ego, North Kildonan

Dear Big Ego: Your exotic garden for 2024 is your solo passion project. Understandably, you don’t want other people horning in, which means having to share space and compromise on designs. So, take a deep breath and tell your friends “no thanks,” but promise to visit their new group garden and to socialize with them.

Tell them you’ll bring fancy snacks and refreshments, and take photos of their exotic flowers and designs. This will show your good will, but not compromise your deep need to fly solo this summer!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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