Get past ‘wreckage’ by stepping up in mature way

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This article was published 06/05/2024 (888 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m staying with my best friend’s family in their basement, and I’m just grateful to have a bed there. I got kicked out of my parents’ house because of a large party at their place that ended up with neighbours calling the cops.

My parents were away at the lake, opening up for the season.

My best friend and I only invited about 30 of our friends, but they told a lot of other people at the bar and others at another party, and everybody came pouring in.

They partied big time and I couldn’t get them out on my own. Nobody listened to me.

I got kicked out of the house because of this.

My mother isn’t even talking to me on the phone after what happened. She calls it “the wreckage.”

I feel bad and I really want to be able to go back home. I am so sorry. What do you suggest I do?

— Learned My Lesson, Winnipeg

Dear Learned Lesson: You have to stand up and take real action now. Apologize from your heart in a letter to your parents and express your regrets in detail. But that’s not nearly enough.

Outline what you will do to repair the “wreckage” in detail — all costed out. Then make five copies of the letter, minimum. Address it first to your parents — one copy each. If you get no response from them, make visits and appeal to your aunts, uncles and grandparents to get the message of that letter through to your folks.

Make a huge effort to repair the harm you did and your parents will soften their stance against you. If you don’t have a decent job this summer, then take on additional odd jobs in the neighbourhood to pay for the party damages.

This is not the time to feel sorry for yourself. This is the summer you become a real adult.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: In February, my wife got promoted to the role of executive assistant to her boss for really good money. I congratulated her with a gift of soft leather boots I knew she would love. She smiled and said a polite thanks.

Lately, my wife is coming home tired from work, but she’s often singing love songs when she makes our dinner. The weird difference is this: sex has gotten more frequent, though it isn’t very personal anymore. I am so confused.

She called me a pet name the other day that was foreign to me — like from another language. Is she maybe cheating on me with some guy from another country? Do I have to ask her outright?

— Worried Sick, rural Manitoba

Dear Worried Sick: It’s interesting the sex has become more frequent with your mate, though the intimacy has waned. This sometimes happens when a person is longing for their new lover, but they are already tied to someone else.

It’s time to ask your wife for the whole story, so be prepared to deal with what might be a painful new reality.

On top of dealing with the pain of possible deception and heartbreak, it’s important not to make a tactical error here. You might want to see a relationship counsellor and a lawyer first, in case it turns out you are faced with an affair situation, and need to know all your options ahead of time.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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