Shut down interfering in-law’s unwelcome input

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This article was published 08/05/2024 (837 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Now that my father-in-law has finally gotten sober and has a job, he’s become holier-than-thou. Recently, he made it plain to my husband, in front of me and the kids, that he’s embarrassed his son is now a “house husband.” I wanted to punch him in his sneering face!

My husband is a work-from-home half-time accountant, who is great with the kids and does the cooking, and half the cleaning. By contrast, my husband’s bully of a father sat at home and drank when his boys were kids, while his wife worked and did most of the parenting, too.

My guy is able to be the kind of parent his dad could never be, for him. I am very proud of him! I have a degree, am a government worker and earn good money. Together, we are happy the way things are in our family.

Now, I want to go over to my father-in-law’s house and tell him off, which I admit might bring me down to his level. How can I do this right?

— Angry Daughter-in-Law, Charleswood

Dear Angry: Pay your father-in-law a short visit and say the things you need say, in a clear and level voice. He won’t like it, but he’s less likely to be as nasty without a big audience. Finish up by saying what a wonderful guy your husband is, and how much you love and admire him!

Then leave, especially if the man is starting to raise his voice. You don’t owe it to him to hear him out, but he does need to hear what you have to say.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: We finally have a cottage and I told our kids, 17 and 18, we are going to be lake people this summer. My ungrateful teenagers deflated me. My oldest said, “You’re a year late, Mom! I have a full-time job this summer.” Then his sister muttered, ”And I have a real boyfriend now.”

I thought they’d be happy to have sunny weekends at the lake this year, but they say they “need” to stay in the city. I have popular outgoing kids and I love them both, but I don’t want to stay in the city to guard my house from parties and sexy sleepovers. What can I do here?

— Worried New Cottager, River Heights

Dear New Cottager: Invite your grown kids’ closest friends down to the lake on different occasions this summer, when they have time off. Talk to them about this formally right now, while you’re still in the city. Why? Their buddies without cottages will probably prefer coming to the lake to having parties in the city that could be good, or could end up spelling trouble.

Cottage life is new to your kids, so you need to teach them how to be hosts. They need to learn how to prepare for visitors, with fold-up beds, games, activities, movies and music. On rainy days, you and your husband should scout spots for great side-trips from the beach and pass this detailed info on to your kids. This could be the best summer in years — for everybody!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend of one month broke up with me abruptly. He just phoned and told me he couldn’t see me anymore because he was “sick.” He said, “You’re not the only man I’ve seeing lately, you know.” I said, “No, I didn’t know, because you didn’t bother to tell me.”

Then, I felt sick! I don’t feel heartbroken over him, but I feel disgusted by what he did — disrespecting me, playing around and endangering me. Where should I go? I’m a gay man and feeling shy and nervous.

— Victim of a Jerk, West End

Dear Victim: Klinic Community Health at 167 Sherbrook St. (klinic.mb.ca) is a kind and open-minded facility that will help put you at ease. They can certainly do testing for sexually-transmitted infections. There may be a short waiting period for test results. If you know exactly what this fellow has contracted, then they may treat you at that appointment, without having to wait for test results.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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