Admit you’ve lost the taste for risky romance

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 25/05/2024 (871 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My younger girlfriend wants to make love in risky places when the warm weather arrives. So here comes the season I fear most, when she wants sex outdoors! She’s already fantasizing about different place, which I must admit, do turn me on, mentally.

But when we get right down to doing the deed, I’m always delegated as the lookout. Then I’m nervous, worrying we’re going to get caught and somebody’s going to call the cops, so it’s not that much fun. Plus, I have a hot, recognizable car to some people around where we live.

Last night when we were parked and getting into it, I said, “Aren’t we getting too old for this kind of craziness?” she pulled back and said, “You may be getting too old, not me!” Yes, I’m older than her by almost 10 years, but hardly too old to keep up. Still, I’m getting too old to laugh at the thought of a night in jail. Help me, please!

— Pushing 30, St. Vital

Dear Pushing 30: You two have been playing a game which involves a “sexually busy” couple, trying to shock innocent strangers. Since you have lost your taste for the game, but haven’t been caught by the authorities yet, why not back out of this relationship with your clothes on? Your girlfriend may jump ship, but a more grown-up partner could be a good thing for you now.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband and I broke up and everybody we know as friends are still couples. His married buddies are still taking him out golfing, and then to their favourite watering holes, but the women have frozen me out, except for safe lunches.

My ex and I are going to couples counselling, but he doesn’t want to do “the work” for reconciling — certainly not talking to me beyond the time in the counsellor’s office. Also, I heard an ugly little rumour he has had some dates already!

At what point do I just give up on him and tell my married women friends goodbye?

— Weary of Pain, North River Heights

Dear Weary: There’s a feeling of freedom when you finally recognize your partner is not trying, and the only reason you are is because you don’t want to break up for the kids’ sake. Then you know the marriage is truly finished — and you can finally start to build a new life.

That will include new single friends and possibly a new love for yourself. Now’s the time to start individual counselling for yourself, so you can build a strong foundation for a new single life, one that will hopefully include that new love.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts; My live-in love partner and I bought a cabin last winter after it had snowed deeply and iced over. But when we went to look at it this spring, it was a horrible shock.

Underneath the cabin was “no man’s land!” It was tightly packed with old tires, dirty, cracked boards, rotted drywall, bed springs — and, worst of all, remnants of small animals. It makes me want to just bawl like a baby!

Both of us are wondering about the loser of a cabin we bought in our hurry to get a place — any old fixer-upper — nailed down. I know we have some inherited money coming, so what should we do now?

— Disappointed and Depressed, Whiteshell

Dear Disappointed: You could start using some of your inherited money to hire people who are experts at cleaning up debris and getting a place ready for some renovations. Exciting building plans, clean spaces inside and out, and the smell of new wood will cheer you up immensely. That’ll give you the energy to hire talented builders to work on the new plans — and deliver a beautifully renovated cottage to you this summer.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography