Don’t gamble with sister-in-law not getting help

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 24/05/2024 (872 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I came home from “Girls’ Night Out,” and I heard some odd noises. I thought my husband had a drinking buddy over, to listen to the Goldeyes playing baseball on the radio in the garage. I decided to go out there — expecting they’d drinking beers and trying to fix his antique motorcycle.

Then I heard a loud drunk woman’s voice bellow, “I don’t care if she’s 50 pounds overweight. I still love her and I wish I had her back!” It was my husband’s lesbian sister with him, out there in the garage. I went silent to listen in, and heard the first name of the woman they were talking about. Yikes! I didn’t know his sister still loved this trouble-maker with all the booze and drug problems. She drained everybody’s money!

I waded right into the fray and said, “I think it’s about time we called it a night, people!” and herded them both out of the garage. My man’s drunk sister was obviously frustrated and angry with me for busting in.

As she gunned it out of the driveway, my husband said quietly, “She asked me for $2,000 to get her life straightened out and her girlfriend back. I’m afraid if I don’t give it to her, my parents will, and they can’t afford to lend her any more money.”

Then he muttered, “She has a job, and I didn’t know where she was spending all her money. Now I do!” So what should we do? We’re her only family. I already knew where she was spending her money. A friend of mine has seen her at the casino, throwing it away big time. Please help us!

— Hubby Headed for Trouble? East Kildonan

Dear Headed for Trouble?: Luckily, friends and relations of problem gamblers can contact Gamblers Anonymous Winnipeg and learn the ways to best handle the out-of-control gamblers in their friends and family groups. The Addictions Foundation of Manitoba can also offer help in this area.

Get familiar with this info ahead of time, so you and your husband are both equipped to have conversations with your sister/sister-in-law, before she tries to cut you off. The point is not to tell her what a bad person she is, but to try to help her out. Let her know you want to help her quit gambling without lending more any money she can “invest” to try to win all that spent money back. With luck you can stay connected as a friend, and help pull her out of the quicksand.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My dear old mother died suddenly, and I was in shock. The next day a good female friend came over to offer me condolences, and kissed me on the cheek. In a strange moment of gratitude and happiness, I kissed her back — right on the lips!

It wasn’t just a peck, and her eyes flew open. I’m a single-again man in my 50s, and yet I didn’t know until that moment I might have a crush on my friend. I guess I do! And, you know what? She leaned into the kiss instead of pushing me away. So maybe she likes me, too? Or were we both just carried away by the high emotion all around us? Please advise.

— A Bit Shocked, West Kildonan

Dear Shocked: Your friend will not believe you didn’t know what you were doing with your lips, so don’t bother going that route. But it is time to explain that you were emotional and got a little carried away.

Say to her, “I’m sorry if I took you by surprise, and hope I didn’t freak you out.” She may turn around and kiss you again! Then it’ll be your turn to be surprised. But if she chooses to go the laughing-it-off route instead, you’d best back off and be a well-behaved friend again.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography