Granny’s got a right to a guilt-free love life

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This article was published 05/06/2024 (850 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My grown kids are worried I’m turning into an irresponsible grandmother who really doesn’t give a dang about them and my grandkids because I’m a widow and I’m having a glorious time. But in their opinion, although they’d never say the words, they think I’m getting too much action.

I was young when I had them — barely out of my teens — and now they’re in their early 30s with little kids — and I’m just way too busy to babysit.

After nursing my ailing husband until his (premature) death, I deserve to have a social life. Things are much better now. I now have two main boyfriends in my life — one in Winnipeg and one who flies in regularly for business.

I also have some other boyfriends, who know me through playing tennis. They come by to help me with my vegetable garden and to wash my car and truck. I happily let them, plus I play music and serve them drinks and snacks.

Also, I don’t look like a regular woman in late middle age because I’m a lifetime athlete — and Botox is my new friend.

So, here’s the problem: my daughters — both strong women with children — are putting pressure on me to act more like “a normal grandmother.” They aren’t happy about my lifestyle, as if I’m not acting like the grateful, doting grandmother I should be.

They are getting so pushy and anxious, they need to be told off, but I don’t want to lose them. What can I say to them?

— Happily Dating Grandma, River Heights

Dear Happily: Your daughters need you to explain your concept of the modern grandmother. Just presenting them with behaviours they don’t understand or approve of is confusing for them — and it definitely isn’t working.

Take the time to talk with them alone. Explain what you love about your lifestyle.

Then let them get the major complaints off their chest about what role they hoped you would play for them and their children. That would probably be the totally trustworthy babysitter who wanted to enjoy the kids privately, while their parents got to go out.

Let your girls know, without apology, that you’re different and that you’re developing new interests now that the nest is empty — sports, travel and male friends.

They may not like it, but when the dust settles and they find a new regular babysitter they like, remind your daughters you would still enjoy having the kids over every couple of weeks, as you do love them.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend is a firecracker, but she wants too much sex from me.

Last night I was tired from football practice and she wouldn’t leave me alone, so I finally pointed at the front door and laughingly said, “Bye-bye firefly.”

Well, she went flying all right — right out of my bedroom door half-dressed and out the front door.

I heard her car squealing out and roaring down the road. The problem is I think I love her and want her, but not if she can’t relax on this sex thing. She thinks it’s normal to have sex every single night before you go to sleep, and it’s kind of like popping a sleeping pill for her.

I have a heavy physical-labour type of job but when I remind her of that, she says that means I have built up great stamina, so we’re a perfect pair. She’s an athlete herself, and she can go forever on the field, and in the bedroom. Any suggestions?

— Worn Out, Winnipeg

Dear Worn Out: As a competitive athlete, it must drive you nuts to give up or lose at anything, but you could be happier with a fiery, but less-demanding mate. You would still be able to have a great sex life without pressure every single night.

Look at these little fights you’re having as the possible doorway to a new life for you with a better-suited girlfriend. Granted, you may still be attracted to an athletic go-getter but it won’t be difficult to find someone whose personality provides for a little more understanding.

Please send your questions to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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