Confront cousin over decades of gaslighting

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This article was published 04/07/2024 (775 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: When I was a kid, my cousin stole my Game Boy console. I loved that thing. I know he did it because I took it to his place for a weekend sleepover and it went missing from my bag just before I left.

There’s no way he didn’t steal it but he denied it up and down. He finally convinced me I must have lost it.

I moved on slowly from that incident, as it hurt badly. We weren’t exactly rich and I never did get another Game Boy.

Well, fast-forward a couple decades and I’m helping this same cousin move. I grabbed a box from the attic and guess what I found sitting at the top of the box? My old Game Boy. I know it was mine because I had a Pikachu sticker on the front and I can see the residue where it was scratched off. Then I looked under the battery cover where I had written my name in marker, and there it was.

I pocketed it and didn’t say anything, but I’m madder now than when I was as a kid. He’s been lying to me for 20 years.

Do I confront him, or never speak to him again? Those are the only two options I’m willing to entertain right now. I’m too angry to let this go.

— Angrier than Ever, Charleswood

Dear Angrier than Ever: Confront him now so you aren’t left with a bellyache and the angry thoughts continually swirling about letting him get away with it. Also, take the recovered Game Boy over to your parents and show them it, proving it’s yours.

Then, it’s definitely time to confront your cousin.

If he doesn’t give you a heartfelt apology (tears would be good, but don’t expect them) over stealing your Game Boy, you may not want much more than polite contact with him at family functions.

Being a cousin doesn’t give him an automatic pass to steal from you, lie about it for years and force you to think you somehow “lost” it yourself. Enough’s enough.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a gorgeous (too young) guy at the bar who turned out to be too drunk to drive home.

At closing time I told him I would take him as far as my apartment and call him a cab from there.

When we got to my place, I made some instant coffee for him and left him in my living room. Instead of waiting for me, he fell asleep (or passed out) on my couch.

I cancelled the cab and covered him with a blanket.

When he woke up Sunday morning, he grabbed his clothes and asked me if I could drive him to his church right away. Apparently he was singing a solo and couldn’t be late.

I was stunned, but I told him to get in a car and drove him to the church. I decided to stay to see if the church was actually his and to maybe watch him sing. The solo was a big lie, as I suspected.

At the end of the service, I saw him walk over to what must have been his parents, and his mother hugged him.

Why did I do what I did? I feel creepy. He’s no more than a teenager, probably with a fake ID. Am I losing my mind?

— Pushing 30, St. Vital

Dear Pushing 30: While this young guy was at the bar getting drunk — perhaps trying to avoid his teenage reality — you seemed to have been there trying avoid your adult reality. Neither of you are the answer to each other’s problems and you just ended up feeling creepy.

You don’t mention why you were sitting in the bar by yourself, but loneliness has got to be part of it.

A good antidote would be to sign up for volunteer groups that attract people you would enjoy befriending. Summer festivals are always looking for help and attract lots of friendly people, many in the 25-40 age range.

Get busy this summer, have fun and stay away from those 18-year-olds in the bar.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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