See world from soft-hearted mom’s perspective

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This article was published 09/10/2024 (725 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My mother is an idiot with a big heart. We don’t know what to do with her.

She lives next to my wife and me and loves to go on walks — but she strolls around giving away stuff. If somebody admires something she’s wearing — like one of the bracelets on her arm — she’ll just take it off and give it to them.

She tells them not to worry as she got the item at a thrift shop — and she did. It’s not the money my wife and I are worried about, as she’s well set up from her second husband who died a few years ago. I’m just worried she’s going to get hurt because she must look like such a pushover. She says that’s nonsense and sees it as her own little charity, making people smile to have something nice.

I suggested she just donate money to a charity, but she turned it around and said she was worried about me because I used to be kind and generous the way she brought me up. She said I was too fancy now because of my lifestyle (nice house, two cars) and didn’t even have a dog to look after.

Now I really don’t know what to say. I just don’t want her putting herself in harm’s way. What can I do?

— Worried Son, St. Boniface

Dear Son: Start by apologizing to your mom for criticizing her lifestyle when you know nothing about it. Then ask to go on a walk with her to see where she goes and how she operates. You might learn something.

If she’s going into dangerous areas, you could gently dissuade from doing that by herself. But if she goes to little parks and sits and chats with people, she’s getting the friendship and stimulation she needs.

Now that it’s getting colder outside, investigate community centres and seniors’ centres near your houses. The helpful people at 211 could direct you to the ones nearest your place. Then take mom for a ride and go to check them out. Even if there are one or two activities she’d enjoy, she’s a friendly person and would soon make some new friends who would be within walking distance from home.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Yesterday, I received a letter from an old love — the last thing I expected. He says he’s in a good headspace now and isn’t on drugs or alcohol and he just wanted to reach out and apologize for the headaches he caused in my life.

He didn’t mention the heartaches from when he would get drunk and cheat on me. I know he wants my forgiveness, but I don’t have that to offer him.

— Hard-Hearted Woman, Elmwood

Dear Hard-Hearted: It likely took real guts to write and apologize like this. Send him a note that says, “Apology received, but I’m not looking for further contact. Have a good life.”

Yes, the note is a bit chilly, but it will help you get past this sooner and may help him to get on with his life, too.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My best friend has owed me $100 for six months and I want it back. I don’t want to lose her friendship, but I just want my money.

If she doesn’t pay me soon, she will lose me. If she does pay me soon, we can get past it, but I will never lend her a red cent again.

How can I get my money without having to threaten her? She has a job now and she should have given it back after her first paycheque.

— So Annoyed, East Kildonan

Dear Annoyed: Tell this “best friend” you’re short of money right now and desperately need your $100 back. If she pays up quickly, then she had the dough, but was lazy about settling up with you.

If she says she doesn’t have all the money, tell her you’ll take half in cash and half in a post-dated cheque. Then you’ll be done with it.

Yes, there’s a chance the cheque will bounce, but it’s unlikely, and you really need this to be over with.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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