Son from the past has satisfied his curiosity

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This article was published 10/12/2024 (662 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: When I was 18 years old, I fell deeply in love with a girl. At Christmastime, she gave me a terrible shock: she told me she was pregnant. I cried all night — we were barely out of high school.

Along with our parents, we decided the best thing to do was to give the baby up for adoption when it arrived, since we were way too young to start being parents. We loved each other, though, and we got married a few years later.

Recently, my wife got a message from a young man saying he was our biological son and he had found us. Then he asked if we wanted to meet him. We said yes, of course.

He soon came to visit, but I guess we didn’t make the grade — he has never been back. Also, the phone number we had for him no longer works.

My thought is he has rejected us, as he may have felt we rejected him at birth. My wife thinks it’s something else. We both come from well-off families. We showed him all the family photos, and he saw the houses, the cottage and all the travel pictures. He seemed a bit taken aback while looking through them,

When we asked about his adoptive family, he said they didn’t have much money, but they loved him and had taken great care of him. He left shortly after that. Naturally, we felt bad.

Do you think he’ll ever come back?

— Birth Parents, southeastern Manitoba

Dear Birth Parents: It doesn’t really sound like this young man will be back soon. It’s an understandable curiosity for people to look for their biological parents, but it doesn’t seem like it was a very warm meeting.

He may have expected tears and hugs and apologies — plus a big interest in his childhood years. Instead, he got politeness, saw your nice house and photos, but he didn’t get warm feelings or sense the affection towards him he might have hoped for.

As for his adoptive family, they will no longer feel like they could be in competition with his biological parents. That could be a relief for them as he will settle into loving them completely now.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I could just scream when I feel the eyes of anti-shoplifting staff on me in stores. I’m a young mother and work from home, making pretty decent money. I went to buy my kids Christmas gifts the other day and was in the toy department. I was carrying cash and my two credit cards — ready to buy all my kids’ gifts in one swoop and get it over with.

I shopped carefully and stuffed my cart. But then I noticed I had two people on my tail. They didn’t even care that they were almost on top of me. So much for humanity and decent treatment these days.

I knew what was going on because I had a similar job once and I quit because I felt so creepy doing it. From now on, I’m buying everything online.

What should I have done in this case? I may be a young mother, but I’m honest and responsible.

— Fed Up, North End

Dear Fed Up: If you’re bold enough, you can face the “investigators” and call them out, saying, “Excuse me. Are you following me? I’d like to see the manager.”

If you don’t want to tangle with them, steer your cart straight to customer service and ask to speak with the manager about the experience you’re having in their store. Ask to be checked out right there and leave if you’re refused.

It can’t feel good to give a business your money after being treated like a suspected thief.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just heard my old girlfriend has moved back to Winnipeg and I feel sick. When she lived here, she wouldn’t let go of me after I told her we were through. She kept sending me these poems about how her love would never die. Now she’s back in town for a new job.

Then I got a Christmas card from her dropped off in my mailbox just saying “Season’s Best.”

I have a wonderful new girlfriend and don’t want to lose her. In fact, I may want to marry her. What should I do when this ex starts coming after me again — and she probably will.

— Worried, Charleswood

Dear Worried: If she makes one move beyond the Christmas card, let her know you’ll be seeing your lawyer. Tell her you’ll take legal action if she doesn’t leave you completely alone for good. Give her no more words than that. Give her nothing to play with.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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