Overreaction may just push past, present closer

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 14/12/2024 (610 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My second wife and I moved back to my small town, and I’m finding her interests are way too similar to my first wife’s.

Now, the really bad news: As of this month, both women are attending two of the same meetings a week — one at our church, plus the important town-hall meeting.

Both women, it seems, really like to get involved and run things. I guess I’m always attracted to the dynamos!

When I asked my new wife what she and my ex talked about together, she just said, “Stop being jealous! I’ll talk to your ex, if I feel like it. She’s an interesting woman, and you don’t own me.”

Whoa! What brought on that little storm?

I wonder how my darling new wife would feel if I were hanging out with her ex-husband at meetings, comparing notes on her? Tonight, I’m staring at her new phone list on the wall of all the important people in my town, and I’m feeling like the man on the outside.

Alienated, western Manitoba

Alienated: Don’t invite trouble by trying to keep these women from doing what you fear most — discussing you and your foibles.

Your ex-wife most likely doesn’t want to discuss you in depth, because you’re old news, and you were no doubt a problem for her. But she’s a human being and she will naturally feel curious about the type of woman you married after her.

Your new wife might also be curious! She’ll wonder if your complaints about your old wife were warranted, but she might never be able to see and understand that old situation. Why? Because your ex-wife may have snapped back to being happy, after you two parted! In fact, both women might go home from the group meetings, thinking. “What’s the big deal? She’s not so bad! I guess I can work with her.”

It’s highly unlikely they’ll want a close friendship, so don’t ask a bunch of annoying questions that push them together, and inspire a feeling of camaraderie. That’s the last thing you need!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I liked sex way better with my first boyfriend than I have with anyone since. In fact, I’m alone this Christmas, and I’m thinking of paying him a surprise visit in my fur coat and Santa hat — like I did on our first (and only) Christmas Eve together.

It was fantastic, and that red velvet hat still hangs inside my closet door and reminds me of what out-of-this-world lovemaking can be!

When I investigated his present situation through my North End spy system, I learned that he’s in a new relationship, which “may or may not“ be working. My spies didn’t know yet!

He still lives in the same little house, and has the same job. Should I surprise him with a visit this Christmas Eve?

— Santa’s Elf is Back! West Kildonan

Dear Santa’s Elf: It’d be crushing to arrive all psyched up for a repeat of that wonderful old Christmas Eve, only to see an upset new girlfriend in the background. You’d be turned away, fast!

Part of the reason the lovemaking was so good with this guy way-back-when, was because you were in a new relationship together. You felt very excited about each other — and hot!

If you really want to see this old sweetheart again, call him for a Christmas get-together and catch up on each other’s lives. If you’re both very happy and excited to see each other, then it may be time to dust off the Santa hat!

But, if you jump the gun, there might not be an explosion of passion and excitement this time. That will ruin your precious memory of the first Santa hat adventure. So, be careful!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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