No need to worry about cold-hearted ex’s feelings

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 18/03/2025 (568 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My man and I hit a big bump in the road when he took off and went for a long drive last weekend — for hours. He said it was to relax so he could sleep better, but I know he went to see another woman or maybe even a man. I can’t tell with him.

When he finally came home, I was emotionless and stunned, and then I felt hurt and cried. I sensed where he went, and since then there has really been no attention, no love and no sex from him.

At first, I tried to brush it off as a reaction to his high-stress job, so I asked about that. But he just laughed and said no, he still loves his work. But I sensed he didn’t still love me.

Finally, I demanded to know what was going on, and he said, “Oh, shut up. I just don’t feel like making love with you anymore.”

How could that be? We used to go like rabbits — and now nothing? Well, I can’t live in a sexless relationship, I told him.

I asked if it was another woman. He said no too loudly and it sounded like a lie. I got angry and said, “I can’t live the rest of my life not feeling love and attraction from my man.” Then he went dead quiet and I went to my mom’s place.

The next morning I came home and he was gone. Now I’m really angry. I don’t even know where he’s living and I really need to find him. How can I? I have all his clothes and furniture.

— Abandoned, West End

Dear Abandoned: This sounds like a man who already had a new romance and a skeleton wardrobe ready to move elsewhere, but didn’t have the guts to tell you the truth. Then again, maybe that romance is not so new. He had another place to stay in a hurry and it was no problem for him to go and stay there on short notice.

To find him, just call his place of work. You certainly don’t have to protect his reputation.

Just tell the person who answers the phone who you are and that your ex’s clothes and belongings are in boxes out on your front porch or driveway. You can bet that workmate will get in touch with him ASAP and pass along your message.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I recently met a woman who excited my soul. However, she was working for a man I wouldn’t trust with any woman.

I took her for lunch the next week and we were having a great time, but trouble was already brewing.

In the middle of lunch, her boss showed up and joined us, uninvited. She didn’t seem upset and just looked at me and winked. Then he paid for lunch for all of us and got up and left. What did this mean?

— Just Wondering, downtown Winnipeg

Dear Wondering: It sounds like this woman is “his” woman at work, even if her boss is in a relationship with someone else. He was just dropping by to say he knows where she goes, and express some kind of male dominance.

You might want to have a talk with this woman about her boss’s aggressive behaviour before things go any further.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography