Normal for dreams to peruse novel experiences

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This article was published 31/05/2025 (492 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Two women involved in an intimate relationship together recently moved in next door, and I’m curious about them.

We all love gardening and I’m a late beginner, so I started visiting them with occasional questions. And then last weekend, they filled their pool and had a barbecue/swimming party for their friends (all of whom were female).

I could see it all happening from my second-floor deck, and they caught me looking down and waved. Soon my neighbours showed up on my doorstep and asked me to come over for a swim. I went because it was a hot day.

Now my husband is teasing me and asking me why I went and if it turned me on. Well, it did turn me on in my mind to see a different way of loving and flirting, up close and in person. And I must admit I have been dreaming about female liaisons every night lately.

What’s happening to me? Is this normal?

— Accidental Spy, River Heights

Dear Spy: Having attended an all-female party, likely including a fair number of lesbian and bisexual women, your curiosity has certainly been piqued.

Your mind is reviewing the experience in a protective dream state, where it’s more acceptable to you to explore and imagine a type of sexual activity that differs from your usual kind.

Think back — you explored straight sex when you were younger and learned how it worked before you actually tried it with a partner. You may have looked at books and watched movies, and then you finally explored real sex, in your case with a male partner. So, don’t be upset with yourself. You’re just learning about something new to you in the realm of human sexuality.

That may be all there is to it, especially if you have a solid love and sex life with your husband right now.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: In the summertime I go and stay in my grandma’s cabin on a little slough/lake that she left to me in her will. I used to stay there with her every summer, all summer.

My mother hardly missed me while I was there, as there were so many other kids in the family. My brothers and sisters paid no attention to grandma — they thought she was a bit weird, but the cabin was my little heaven with her.

I had strange bird pets at the water’s edge and I liked to give them little pieces of bread crust and talk to them, and my grandmother never laughed at me over it.

Now I’m living in the cabin again and I commute to work close by — working my usual overnight shift.

I usually love my summer life so much, but there’s big trouble this year. My older brother wants “in on the cabin deal,” and I don’t want him. He’s often out of work and looking for free places to live.

He was also always mean to me as a kid. Will I need the police to keep him away from my cottage? He really scares me.

— Worried Younger Sister, Interlake

Dear Worried: See the lawyer who has copies of your grandmother’s will and other related paperwork. Ask that a notice be sent in response to your brother’s intention to also use the cottage now — against your wishes.

Request that the lawyer notify local police of this possibility and that your brother also gets a serious warning, ASAP, to stay a certain distance away from your cabin, due to the fact you fear him.

If he shows up anyway, then the police can hopefully intervene.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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