Cut the risky game-playing and seek a referee

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 07/06/2025 (459 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just found out my bisexual wife has found a female lover, and I’m angry. I want to get even and teach her a lesson she won’t forget.

We three know each other through working for the same business. I should have known it was more than an innocent friendship when these two women went to a big spring convention in another province and didn’t want me joining them.

I now suspect they have been playmates for a long time, double-dealing me and laughing behind my back. I could have said, “That’s life,” but I don’t put up with disrespect from anybody.

My wife’s lover had the misfortune of running into me at a different convention this week and she made the big mistake of thinking I wouldn’t chance a big blow-up over my wife.

This foolish woman sent me an online message the first day of the conference, saying, “There’s no reason we couldn’t all be friends here if we’re discreet” — along with a wink, and two explicit sex-sign emojis.

I forwarded the whole message to my wife.

Now all hell is breaking loose. The problem is, I do love my wife and it would kill me to lose her. How to I get through this? I never thought a little flirting would come to this.

I do love my woman very much, but to my mind, sex is just sex — not making love. What should I do now?

— Man in the Middle, Portage la Prairie

Dear Man in the Middle: You mistakenly thought the three of you could play by loosey-goosey rules. Get smarter now and back far away from potential bombs that could explode in your face from trying to play tit-for-tat with your double-dealing wife.

You say sex is just sex, but that appears only to be the case when it applies to you and another woman, as your wife’s affair seems to make you very angry.

It’s obvious the sneaking around is not working, so it’s time you and your wife seek some counselling to work through this, or even just to soften your landings if you realize your relationship is beyond fixing.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: In the interest of being fully open and honest, my girlfriend and I shared our test results for sexually transmitted infections.

Hers were fairly minor infections, and mine were a bit more serious STIs — but all cleared up now, thankfully.

She took a long look at me, and said with obvious distaste, “Sorry, I can’t risk getting what you had even if you say it’s gone now.”

Tell me, what is the point of offering the truth when someone is going to be like this?

— Insulted and Hurt, St. Boniface

Dear Insulted and Hurt: You can learn a lot from this. Stay out of bed until you know someone well and can predict what their reaction will be to results from up-to-date testing.

Be aware that you must make a deal to actually show one another your current test results, not just report them verbally. Some people happily tell big fibs when sex is in the offing.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography