Acting on mom-in-law’s BO may raise bigger stink

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: We’re supposed to be going to the lake on August long weekend with my husband’s family and staying at their cabin. But there’s one big problem: my mother-in-law has killer body odour, especially in the heat.

My son has actually told his grandma several times, “It’s not necessary to stink like that.” She just says, “People don’t need any deodorants at the lake. They can just take the occasional dip in the water.”

Unfortunately, her body odour can get so strong it makes me feel ill. I talked to my pharmacist and now I’m going to the lake armed with several different deodorants he suggested, but my husband says it will just cause trouble.

Will it? I have to do something or just stay home — and that will cause more trouble. What do you suggest?

— Desperate Daughter-in-Law, Winnipeg

Dear Desperate: Mama-in-law is not going to change for you, and that’s your reality. However, sleeping outside the main cabin has saved many an extended family’s sanity. It can be glorious with the moon and fresh air off the lake, especially in a nice tent pitched under the stars.

Also, you should hand over the deodorants from the pharmacist to your husband for him to present to his mother. You don’t want any part of that scene because daughters-in-law aren’t blood like sons are.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My heart is on fire because the love of my life from high school has finally split up with his difficult wife.

In recent years, we couldn’t help seeing each other because we live nearby and our kids competed in the same activities. We would talk casually at games and I’d drive home with my kids, thinking, “If only we were still together.”

Nothing would have happened if my own husband hadn’t had an affair last fall. It was embarrassing and humiliating, and we split in a hurry and got a divorce.

I got the kids for most of the time, because he’s a workaholic and he didn’t have the time to “babysit” them, as he calls it.

So I finally fully reconnected with my old flame recently, and my love life has been great ever since.

My question is just about divorce etiquette: how long should divorced people with two sets of kids wait before appearing together in public as a large family? People gossip and they can be cruel.

— Scared of Reactions, southwestern Manitoba

Dear Scared: The people who will be critical are going to gossip no matter what you do, so just let them. You’re happy with your decision and their disapproval isn’t going to change anything for you.

If you feel the need to say something back to one of these critics — particularly a person you know well — consider this: “My husband and I were very unhappy. Now life is much better.” Then say a quick goodbye and walk away.

As for how long you and your new love have to wait to be seen together with the kids, really as soon as you’re both living separately from your two marriage partners.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: At my summer job last week, a new guy I work close to passed me a note with an invitation to hit a nearby bar that has great drinks. I like him a lot and I can feel where this is headed.

Would I be stupid to start seeing him and possibly make things awkward at work? It’s only a summer job, and I wouldn’t be risking my career or anything.

I just can’t stop thinking about him, which is making me stupid at work. Would it be better to just give in and get some satisfaction?

— So Distracted, Fort Richmond

Dear Distracted: Summer jobs have certainly spawned some hot romances. Since this job isn’t a career builder, you don’t need to be as strict with yourself and you could accept the invitation.

Just ask yourself first, “What would I do and where would I go for more work if this little romance crashes?”

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.