Take a beat before following up ‘forbidden’ kiss

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a happy, well-adjusted, married “hetero” woman — or so I thought until this summer. Something changed and it’s thrown me for a loop!

After a birthday night out with my girlfriends, which involved drinking a fair number of shooters, things became weird.

My sexy married girlfriend, whom I’ve known since high school, leaned over and gave me a full-on kiss, right on the mouth! I did not stop her — I actually kissed her back!

I know it was the liquid courage that probably led to this, but now “the kiss” is all I think about, even when I’m making out with my husband. I really want to kiss her again and maybe go further! What’s happening to me?

My husband would be deeply hurt by me experimenting, if he found out about it. The big question for me now is, am I gay?

— Awake and Wondering, Charleswood

Dear Awake: You may be “bi-curious,” as you’re exploring the possibility of being sexually attracted to women, as well as men. Clearly, you’ve taken the first step in that direction. But you obviously know you’re attracted to men, as you’ve been “happily married” for many years to a certain guy.

Now things may be opening up for you, but if it was just the fun of a “forbidden” kiss or two, it might not be worth shaking your marriage to the core.

Some men are actually turned on by their wives experimenting with other women, but soon they want to be included. If their wives don’t want that, they may be deeply hurt and angry. You could actually imperil your marriage. So, the big question is: Do you really want to take that chance?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girls — one year apart at 18 and 19 — recently left home and the farm for jobs in the city. They’re going to start college at the same time this fall. I helped them move into their apartment, and stayed two whole weeks. It turned out I loved the city!

We went to summer festivals together and I went shopping for clothes with them. We had so much fun! They also took me to the two restaurants where they work, and I met them for lunches in cute outdoor places with patios. Suddenly I don’t want to live on the farm anymore.

I miss my girls so badly now I’m back home in the country. I told my husband and he said, “You just need a job in town where you meet other people every day.”

Is he right or am I too turned on now by big-city life in Winnipeg that I’m going to need more than a stupid job in a country town?

— Longing for City Life, southwestern Manitoba

Dear Longing: Your husband may be right — you clearly need to refill your life with activity, fun and new friendships. Right now you’re in shock, because both your girls left home at the same time, and the house seems empty and depressing without their conversation and laughter.

But be aware that moving out is their adventure, and as much as they loved you staying for a big visit when they were moving in, they are not going to want their mom leaving dad to move in with them, or even live down the block. That could spoil everything for them.

Here’s an experiment: Look for a job in your closest busy town — work which is social and involves encountering new people. Also join up for a few fun activities — like curling, for instance — which get going in the autumn. Be a good example to your kids and fill your life with new starts.

For now, plan to visit them only one weekend a month. Assure them you’ll taper off when your own social life expands. Meanwhile, cheer them on with your phone calls, as you all are building new social lives this summer and fall.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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