Find work-around for mom’s grandkid fixation

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My girlfriend and I — lesbians in our 30s — get along famously. But whenever I come home from my parents’ house, I’m depressed. My mom always manages to give me a shot about never being able to provide a grandchild for her and my dad (I’m an only child).

When my dad hugged me goodbye last time, he whispered, “I do try to make her stop this nonsense.” I just don’t feel like going there anymore. She hits me with the guilt grenades every time, like maybe it will be enough to make me adopt and get her the grandchild. Ha.

Seriously, what should I do? It doesn’t even help when I bring our puppy, who’s so small she looks and acts like a baby.

— Failing to Supply Grandchild, Fort Richmond

Dear Failing: You have to know when to quit fighting. Just accept for now that the at-home lunches or dinners with your mom are simply not going to work. If your mother loves babies, how about talking to your dad about getting her a small puppy like yours she can baby — but do it only if she really loves dogs and would like one.

For right now, consider taking your mother outside the home to restaurants as your treat, perhaps for Sunday brunches. You might invite company such as an aunt or old family friend to help totally avoid the baby topic. As for your dad, meet up with him for one-on-one get-togethers for a time. Also, phone both your parents for short casual chats on a regular basis.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My ex-husband has just come back to live in Winnipeg — not that I care. What I do care about is the fact I’ve heard he and his new wife have bought a house down the back lane from where the kids and I still live.

I phoned him and asked why he had to move so close. He yelled back that he didn’t buy the house to be near me, but to be close to the kids so they would walk over. “It’ll be easier for me pick them up, too, and no need for any contact with you,” he said.

I told him that I never wanted to see him again, and he replied that he thinks I lost my mind.

He said: “We co-parent these children. You need professional help. Why don’t you go see a shrink?”

Then I hit the roof, and on and on we went. Help us, please.

— Barely Speaking, St. James

Dear Barely Speaking: Seeing a therapist is a good idea, even at this late juncture, for both of you to get some real closure. You’re still hurting badly and feeling uncomfortable again now your ex is back in the city.

He’s going to keep on living in that house nearby — a visual reminder of the breakup if he keeps driving by.

A relationship counsellor or therapist could help you neutralize some of those painful feelings, so you can at least be somewhat co-operative parents. That will certainly beat continually upsetting the kids and making them feel guilty when they’re at one parent’s home or the other’s.

It would also help if you found a new group of friends attached to an interest of yours that has nothing to do with the neighbourhood. If you don’t know of any, go online to meet-up.com where you can find all kinds of people looking to do different activities with others.

Consider giving it a whirl and maybe make some new friends from outside the neighbourhood. You might even meet a new sweetheart.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.