Quality time with mom could halt surprise visits

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My mother stopped in for a visit Sunday morning — when I was in bed with my new girlfriend!

Mom knows where the spare key is, just in case anything happens to me. I’m 30 and her only son, but she still looks out for me, so she used the key and walked right in.

I hollered from the bedroom to “just drop my burgers (Mom always brings my favourite burgers over) and then please leave, because I have company!”

Then I heard my mom yell out, “Aren’t I special company? I brought you into this world!” Then she slammed the door and roared off down the road.

I said out loud to my girlfriend, “Score one, for me!”

She just started dressing very quickly, and said, “So you’re a mama’s boy, and not even a loving one?” Then she took off, no kiss goodbye, nothing! Whoa — what did that mean?

Did it really sound like I don’t love my mom? I do love her! I just don’t like it when she thinks she can burst through my door with food, and not even call first.

Since she took early retirement, she seems to think she can come here any time of day or night, and all she has to do is bring me snacks. I’m not a boy!

— Needing My Space, Westwood

Dear Need My Space: You may not be a boy, but you’re not acting like a mature man, either. You’re stuck in a rebellious stage, and it’s one most women your age won’t admire.

There may not be as much time left with your mom as you think. It’d best if you don’t have to say to yourself after she’s gone, “I wasted the time we had left with each other by acting like a 30-year-old teenager.”

Instead, start to take the initiative, by calling Mom when you’re not busy to get together for burgers and a visit — so she’s not left so hungry for your company. Then she won’t feel the need to come over uninvited.

Suggest things to do together like taking her out for ice cream, movies or walks. These are the visits and close talks you will look back on and remember for your lifetime.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Six years ago, I broke up with a guy who was really important to me — to give us both the freedom to go away to the university and pursue the careers we thought we wanted. We decided it’d be best to stop communicating and make the break real. We both went on to have serious relationships with new people.

Then this fall, something weird happened. Both of us have returned to Manitoba because of great job offers. I came back in May, and he came back just recently.

New travels fast in the medical world and I seem to hear his name mentioned a lot. Of course, he knows I’m here, but he hasn’t called. Should I call him?

— Old Flame, downtown Winnipeg

Dear Old Flame: Of course! Take a deep breath and give your ex a “welcome back to Winnipeg” phone call and congratulate him on his great new job. It needn’t go much further than that, but it’s definitely the right thing to do.

If neither of you does it, then it’s going to be even more awkward when you finally do meet unexpectedly.

So call and say hello now, and be classy and welcoming in the local medical scene which you both now share.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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