Sex life — and more — in need of real tune-up

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband is a sex machine, but I’m not referring to frequency. He has predictable moves in a series that build in excitement for him, not me. It’s very mechanical, really.

So, a few weeks ago I told him I wanted to surprise him with my inventiveness. It was Halloween week, so he went along with playing the role of the costume I laid out on the bed. It was a success. At post-Halloween sales, I bought some others for us.

This week he sat me down and said he wanted to quit playing stupid Halloween games and get back to regular sex.

I burst out with, “Well, I’m sick of your boring regular sex.” He replied, “Maybe you’re just sick of me.”

I do love him, but I just don’t I want a whole life of dull sex. In many ways we have turned into dangerously annoying friends.

— Stuck in Gear, St. James

Dear Stuck in Gear: You two need relationship counselling ASAP, with your sex life as one of many topics. I suggest this because you seem like you are on the brink of a serious split, brought on by quarrelling over sexual preferences.

Dig out the rest of the reasons, as well, to examine them and work through them, if possible. These issues likely wouldn’t be such a big deal if your relationship were stronger.

In the end, you may just find the relationship has run its course, but at least you tried to save it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went searching for my high school boyfriend who left the province soon after graduation and never came back.

I asked around and finally somebody told me a few weeks ago that he had changed his first name (from his old-country name, which he hated). So, I did some searching under that name, and bingo — there he was online.

I got in touch with him and we swapped contact info. We talked for a long time and he asked me if I had a boyfriend — I had to admit I did. He said he had a girlfriend, too. Oh no.

I really want to see him again. Now what? Did I blow my chance by being honest?

— So Interested, northern Manitoba

Dear So Interested: You didn’t blow it. You just said “hello,” and now you’re on his radar. Clearly you’re excited, but wait until he’s free again and can suggest a rendezvous if you are also single, or neither of you would be able to trust the honesty of the other.

You can still keep chatting and getting caught up with each other’s lives, and then see what happens over time. Another strategy would be to ask him to call you when he’s free.

The big advantage of remaining friends and in contact regularly is that he’ll be more open with you about his feelings and not try too hard to impress you. Then you’ll get a more real picture of him and who he is.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I spent most of this fall trying to erase the memory of the man who decided for no reason he didn’t want to be engaged to me anymore. What could I say other than, “Go. I don’t need to marry a guy who doesn’t love me.“

He wouldn’t explain himself, but I found out with a bit of detective work that his best friend (a woman in Toronto) finally confessed she was in love with him.

I guess that was his longtime dream come true. Who knew? I never suspected a thing.

Now everything I look at reminds me of him. How can I get over this? My best friend suggested it would help me to leave town. I mentioned this idea on social media and immediately got a long email from two good friends in Spain who want me to come live and help them with their new place over the winter. Plus, I’m able to speak Spanish like my parents.

Would moving far away help, or would it just be running away from something I need to face? I am tempted to go. I feel like I’m lost in nothingness here — not depressed, but bored stiff with no direction.

— Blowing in the Wind, East St. Paul

Dear Blowing: Go for it. It’s a great opportunity to discover a whole new world and not have everything reminding you of your lost love. Your friends there will introduce you around as their Canadian friend. Everybody will be totally new, and you will be to them.

Get together enough money so you aren’t stuck there and can fly home whenever you want, which could be weeks, months or even a year from now.

And who knows? You might be bringing a sweetheart back home with you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.