Be open and available for son’s baby mama

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My son has accidentally gotten a girl pregnant. She has gone back to her old boyfriend and is planning to give birth while with him. The boyfriend knows the baby is not his.

This girl was dating my son on a break with her boyfriend. She wants to keep the baby and her old boyfriend says it’s OK with him.

Do I have any say in this mess?

— Feeling Helpless, West End

Dear Helpless: No, you don’t have much say, but you can be supportive of your son. However, it’s the pregnant woman’s body and her decision about whether to proceed with the pregnancy and keep the baby, or not.

She might want to contact Women’s Health Clinic (womenshealthclinic.org) about all options available to her in terms of supports and counselling. Your son could give her that message, but you could write it out for him in detail.

Also, this current boyfriend of hers may break up with her down the road, as his feelings may change about the fact she’s carrying your son’s baby. Then your family’s side of this situation may shift to carrying more of the responsibility.

Keep your head at all times. Be patient and available to the pregnant girl to talk with her openly at any time, as she is carrying your grandchild.

Make sure she has your up-to-date contact info and an invitation to call you day or night.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: It’s November and I’m feeling depressed because my wife and I can’t get in the car and drive down to join our snowbird friends in the U.S.

I’m feeling the freezing weather coming closer every day, and it makes me blue. This happens to me every year, but my wife and I used to fix it by escaping and spend months in the sun.

This year I want to avoid the borders and driving through the unstable political climate in the U.S., but I feel like I’m experiencing seasonal depression full-force now. I’m getting what feels like daily punishment from the weather I can’t escape. I’m becoming sad, lethargic and cranky.

My wife has seasonal affective disorder as well. She also refuses to travel through the U.S. now.

We don’t know what else to do and we miss our friends already.

— Grounded Snowbirds, Winnipeg

Dear Grounded: It’s time to start vacationing in other snowbird locations — such as on B.C.’s coast or in the Okanagan, or in other countries. You could fly into Mexico where there are many popular destinations for Canadian.

As for your wife’s depressing time now, special lighting may be the answer. Light-therapy lamps are specially made to provide the type and strength of illumination that can help ease seasonal affective disorder (SAD).

People usually enjoy half-hour sessions with SAD lights — and their mood improves for hours afterwards.

It’s a great help before workdays, too. Some people get up 30 minutes earlier to get ready for a half-hour dose of the SAD-light experience and go off to work feeling better. They may even keep therapeutic lights at work for noon hour touch-ups and then do a longer session at home when in the waning light to set them up for a better mood in the evening.

Make sure to talk to your physicians about your seasonal struggles and also consider more outdoor activities and exercise that help alleviate depression in general.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I caught my daughter coming in drunk from a party at 3:30 a.m. and I greeted her at the back door fumbling with her key. I started bawling her out and she reached over and slapped my face, though not very hard. It was so ridiculous; she was off balance and it was almost like a love pat — but it did hurt a little more.

Now we don’t know how to talk to each other. We both lost our dignity in that fight — such a stupid thing.

She is just 18. What to do now? What a mess.

— Awkward Mom, St. Vital

Dear Awkward: Sit down and negotiate a truce with some new rules. If she goes to a party and gets drunk, maybe you would want her to phone you?

You could also set her up with a ride-sharing app you’ll cover if she needs to come home and no one with her can drive. Don’t just leave it to party friends to reliably get her home unless there’s someone responsible in her group of buddies who doesn’t drink.

In any case, there must be a plan with good options to get her home safely because you love her. Now say that to her.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.