Song should be about your wife, not you

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: How can I express to my bashful new wife this Christmas how lucky I am to have her in my life when she tears up and runs to the bedroom and hides her head under a pillow?

She never got any praise in her younger life, so my words make her dissolve into tears.

I’m an entertainer and I want people to know what a lucky guy I am, but if I put my sentiments into a song written for her, she’ll never be comfortable hearing it with anyone but me.

I really don’t want to make my woman cry, but the only thing I’m rich in is the gifts from her in my life, which was very lonely offstage for far too long.

— Loving Husband, North Kildonan

Dear Loving: It’s time to ask yourself why you continue to want to give your lady gifts of attention publicly that she would only appreciate privately. The gifts are supposed to be about her, not how you look to the world by being with her.

Have you ever felt bashful and embarrassed with people looking at you? Not likely, as you’re an entertainer, and applause and recognition are food for your soul.

You have to realize this woman is a different type of human being and start honouring that, especially in public.

She doesn’t want to hear, in front of other people, how wonderful she is, so give her the gift of more songs inspired by her love and faith in you — but not sung with a group of people trying to get a look at her reddening face.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: The worst thing imaginable has happened in my life. My wife and I — both professional women — settled down in a beautiful rental house this past summer.

I thought she was finally the true love of my life after I was unhappily married to a guy for years. But four months later, she has been acting restless and unhappy. Last week she finally told me she’s leaving me after Christmas.

I am in total shock. She said she is leaving me because she doesn’t like the feeling of settling down in a straight neighbourhood after struggling so hard to get free of that “phony world.”

We don’t even know our neighbours yet — straight or gay — so what kind of made-up story is that? I just think the truth is she doesn’t love me enough and she’s blaming it on something else. Help me out, please.

— Freaking Out at Christmas, St. Vital

Dear Freaking Out: The holiday season brings out giant emotions in some people and they’re not always positive. It’s possible your partner may be measuring your lives against those of the people she imagines to be straight and living in cookie-cutter houses around the new neighbourhood.

The point?

You innocently moved there with your partner and you don’t deserve all this to be thrown in your face right now.

Your mate may try to take it all back once the new year starts and her insecurities have settled down, but will you still want her then, after she’s spoiled things between you?

Get some private counselling right away.

You need to talk this all out freely and decide if you want to invite your present partner for couple’s counselling, or if you just want to exit the relationship.

Counsellors may not be taking as many appointments over the holidays, but they are very busy working afterwards helping people with emotional messes, so don’t be too shy to contact someone.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.