Don’t suffer in solitude with new year blues

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: The first of January is when I always try make a few halfhearted new year’s resolutions. But I’m always a bit crabby and annoyed, and in low-in energy mode after the holidays and the kids being off school.

I generally fail miserably even in making a coherent list of resolutions, then I feel overwhelmed and negative — so I watch TV all day, everyday, until my work holiday’s over.

It really annoys my wife — she says I’m “such a loser” sometimes. Last year she told me I needed a shrink. That’s just ridiculous. So, what can I do for myself this January that will make me feel strong and renewed?

— January Deadbeat, Elmwood

Dear January Deadbeat: January is not necessarily the best month for people to make themselves over. Most people are super-tired — mentally, emotionally and physically — after the stresses and excesses of the holidays, and that’s why new year’s resolutions so often fail before the first week is up.

Rather than immediately feeling down over grandiose goals you know you’ll never achieve, why not just aim for something like feeling more positive by doing simple things like short walks outdoors.

Show yourself some love and unwind a bit in January, but involve your wife and kids as well. You might go tobogganing with the kids, or going to an outdoor spa under the stars with your wife.

You should talk to your wife about how overwhelming the new year can feel for you, and while you may not need a “shrink,” you shouldn’t write off the idea of speaking to a professional about your mood at this time of year. It’s a stressful, dark time of year, and many of us need a bit of help getting through it. Just the fact you’re acknowledging it’s difficult period for you is a positive sign that you’re looking to address it.

So don’t label yourself a failure and suffer in silence. There’s no shame in admitting it’s a tough time of year for you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I recently met a woman I feel I “might” fall in love with. It happened three weeks before Christmas at a neighbourhood party. She was adorable, and so were her kids! She had a guy with her at the party, but he was a dud — he obviously didn’t like her kids much and totally ignored them.

When I saw outside a few days later, and I invited her and the kids to come over to see my big old electric train set.

They all came over, and I ended up reading the kids some storybooks, using some funny voices. Their mom was so amused, she called me this week and asked me if I’d like to come over to her place and skate with them on their homemade rink. I quickly got my skates and drove over. We had fun again and she kissed me goodbye on the cheek!

But I’m a shy guy and I’m wondering, does she really like me, or does she just like how the kids get along with me?

— Confused, River Heights

Dear Confused: This isn’t the time to jump to any conclusions. She obviously liked you right off, plus the kids are happy and entertained. Those are good first steps, but they don’t seal any deals in the long-term relationship game.

So keep on seeing them, but add some experiences with her alone in different situations. Now is the time to experiment and see what grows — a friendship or a romance — or maybe a great mixture of both.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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